Penned

2011-12-30T00:18:00.002+05:30

And so, yet again I tread into the waters

Not knowing how deep, not knowing how cold

For the flicker of hope is enough to imagine

A tranquil ocean where I can be

The yearn to experience is enough to crave

Of a new world beyond the sea

The subtle urges are enough to feel

The warmth of water- this time right

The delicate desire is enough to believe

That one sees pristine and not a blurry sight

The modest mind yet in its madness

And its philosophy chooses so..

The same old course which throttled me

Is the path which I must go

And so yet again I dive into another storm

With a prayer in my heart floating along

And as I merged into the waves without a melody

In that bout of silence the cosmos whispered to me

this is the only way for you, to set yourself free

For to Be is to Love, and to Love is to Be.

Broken Heart

2011-05-29T15:26:00.002+05:30

and the wave swelled

my eyes upto the brim, blurred

the crest casting itself to the skies

my throat filled with suffocation

only to crash and merge into the amorphous ocean

and break my heart into infinite pieces

and it broke my heart so to be lost forever

The Wanderer

2011-03-17T23:51:00.007+05:30

And I met....

I met the soul which had guts

to tread on the pathless track of discovery

to break the shackles and move away from the known

to give it all up with no motive

but just to wander

would you call it insanity

then it is that insanity i crave, i long, i love

to not have a passion, and not have a dream

the only dream is to find that passion, and the only passion is to follow that dream

for i met that soul that made me wet with desire

like the deer that would rather risk its life amongst lions

than share a cage with complacency

and i feel that soul which makes me spin with joy

for it knows the only way to belong, is to forever roam

and the only way to have it all, is to let it all go

and to let it all go is fanaah

Dawn to blue

2010-12-10T04:01:00.006+05:30

in all dark,

the heavy vision outlines

silhouettes in motion

the sea begins to define

the eye but blinks

to find an illusionary grey

each wave throwing light

from its crest unto the spray

and the gaze tries to focus

but the last thing it sees

is the surreal azure vision

and the link to you and me

An Afternoon

2010-08-12T16:23:00.005+05:30

I walked down my favourite promenade Carter Road at 1 pm.

Let me work my way down for you. The sky was filled with light grey clouds, which allowed the suns rays to glisten between few of them. As the clouds moved, the rays would withdraw, only to appear from from another crack in the sky. Just above the water, I could not make out whether it was plain cloud or plain sky, but I could see the imperceptible winds floating over the horizon.

The oh glorious sea, chose to wear her grey coat, and was dancing, her waves all in rhythm. Not one bit, not one bit of her calm demeanour which she oft displays. Every atom of her had motion, whether it was throwing herself to the sky, or splashing and merging into her wholeness.

It was one of those days when the tide was at its highest and the sea lashed on the promenade wetting all in its purview.

Bombay's population of 14 million ensures that no public place is ever empty at any time of the day. Thus the promenade was dotted with the usual suspects - a bunch of college students; the firangis; the lovers; the not-so-occasional dog; grandfathers & grandchildren; the lukha middle class; and me.

Just then it began to drizzle.

The college students- who had obviously bunked the drab books for the good weather (intelligent) giggled with delight ; The firangis - who were trying to take a photograph juggled their camera from the rain and the sea water; the lovers snuggled under one umbrella; the dog ran below a bench- where it shared space with (if you believe) a cat; the grandchild laughed and laughed loud; the lukha middle class sat exactly as they were; and I....

...and I saw all the sights, and delighted in the fact that Bombay can be such a harmonious city in the rains. And I saw the sea and marvelled at the creators glory. And I saw the skies and felt the lightness. And then I shut my eyes - just at peace...being me.

My lone moment

2010-06-17T19:41:00.004+05:30

It was my lone moment. While I walked on the sands, my feet sinking into the wet portion, and wobbling on the dry.

It was my lone moment. Under the pristine skies allowing every gentle drop of rain purify the earth.

It was my lone moment. With the glare of the sun, warming every molecule of my existence.

It was my lone moment. With the mesmerizing blue sea, playfully unfolding white swirls at me.

It was my lone moment. With the cosmos spiritual, for all existed at the same moment.

Yet I stared to the seas and wondered if I had lost connection with the divine. I breathed a prayer – let the waves crash over my feet, and let it be a sign that you have heard my breath in the plethora of souls.

I watched the a large wave come towards the shore, it rose high, and crashed against the shoreline, yet its froth ending nearly six feet ahead of where I stood.

Oceanography -As the wind blows over the water, it tries to force the surface of the water to be dragged with it. The surface water assumably cannot move as fast as air, so the water rises. After it rises, the water is pulled back down by gravity. The falling water's momentum is carried below the surface, and water pressure from below pushes this swell back up again. This tug of war between gravity and water pressure creates wave motion.

Wave size depends on wind speed, wind duration, and the distance of water over which the wind blows. The longer the distance the wind travels over water, or the harder it blows, the higher the waves. The rougher the water becomes, the easier it is for the wind to transfer its energy. Thus making the waves become steep and choppier.

A wave must be calculated as wave length and wave height. Wave length is the distance the wave covers on the sea surface (between troughs), whereas wave height is how high the wave jumps from the surface of the sea.

As waves enter shallow water, the wave finally breaks in the surf when depth becomes less than 1.3 times the height. The waves change shape in depths depending on their wave length, but break in shallows relating to their height.

The point to note is that long surface waves travel faster and further than short ones. Thus a large wave (in height) not necessarily indicates that the waters will cover a larger part of the shore.

I watched the tide recede, and as my heart sunk, my soul spoke to me, if the mountain did not go towards the Mohammed, Mohammed went towards the mountain.

I shut my eyes, my soul breathed the clichéd lines that have already held true to me so many a time ‘ take one step towards god, and he will take 10 steps towards you’.

I took one step forward in the sands. The sun glared and I could not stare to the seas , I gazed at my feet.

The wave was not high enough to be marveled, on any other day it would have been a simple long calm wave. But when it crashed on the shoreline, it swept across my feet, covering my ankles, the froth rose above my calf, and the swirls lashed at my knees. I turned my back against the sea to see it gush far behind me on the shoreline.

As I fell backward, I laughed out into the skies, I had engulfed Mohammed, and Mohammed had engulfed me.

Sub Rosa

2010-05-04T21:14:00.000+05:30

Just a secret, that slips off the shoulder
Harsh warm words, frozen water on the burnt tongue
A pinch, cold ice held towards the sun

That I wish I could tell
Just a secret, that slips off the shoulder

How Dark?

2010-03-01T17:31:00.003+05:30

light - the illustrious and revered light

the truth being you are only transient

for you depend on the impermanent sun

but the darkness, you are whole by yourself

and thus I love thee numinous darkness

for you are truly...forever

By the pyre

2009-12-20T15:05:00.004+05:30

And I had tears in my eye

not for you - you were gone

and noone knows where you will go to

but I had tears in my eye

for the ones that were alive

for it is they that have lost

And then I thought

but each one here, has lost only one person-you

but you- you had lost everyone here

And then I cried & cried for you

Kaboo

2009-09-26T12:37:00.004+05:30

You wont Believe what happened, I was scoring on facebook gaming when a pigeon got into my house at midnight! I really dunno how it got in,because we have box grills -but somehow Kaboo managed to get it the house.

Now i am scared of everything that flies (size doesnt matter - cockroaches to pigeons),so for 20 mins an arms pole away i tried to do shoo shoo with a stick. This was followed by my maid (who is also scared but not as scared) trying to get the pigeon out, however she managed to shove it a bit..but it just would not fly!!!
Then we had to wake father up who finally managed to get Kaboo out through the main door!

I woke up in the morning to find Kaboo was still sitting outside our door! I felt a sudden rush of pity and went inside to get kaboo water....just then the jamadar came caught kaboo, kaboo fluttered n fluttered in fear,but he managed to grab kaboo by its wings and took it down in the lift...n then let it fly into the open skies.

Lessons:
1. Fear disallows us to do what we should actually do
2. Me being nice-giving food , water etc....would still not set it free
3. Sometimes a lil harshness...free's us forever

Crash Boom Bang

2009-05-24T13:12:00.004+05:30

So I experienced my first car crash.

It was early dawn and we were speeding down the open road with an absolute sense of alacrity. It was a classic case of mis-judgement of the speed of the truck in front of us. By the time the realization sunk in,that his truck was too slow or my car too fast-I already knew its too late.

The screeching of the brakes have never been so deafening, and yet my eyes only focussed on the car speeding towards the back of the truck.

Not once could I close my eyes, not once could I blink- all I could think was 'this is it'

Going...going..gon...Bang

And I saw...I saw the side of the truck upheaving the bumper, I saw the bonnet being crumpled like a sheet of paper, I saw the trucks blue edge shattering the windscreen.....and then I saw the truck diminishing in the distance.

----

It may have been ironic that a black cat crossed our path as we left, but what was even more ironic was that noone was injured. The car was completely rammed-but we were fine.

And as we towed the car away, I saw the expressions of people staring aghast at the car-wondering how did they ever manage to crash it like that,thinking the same thought I always had 'this will never happen to me'.

----

I trembled even after everyone told me it is okay,

I trembled even after feeling the warm sun scorch down on me,

I trembled even after the usual cup of calming tea,

I trembled.....until I entered our usual adda and I saw that the people dearest to me were fine.

And we spread ourselves across the floor,over chai and maggi, watching tv as always...cuz we are those who will stick through the highest highs and the toughest lows.

To: our srk, 25, hookah man, dj, jithe, bhaii, universal bhabhi...Love you guys.

So you're down in the dumps

2009-01-26T15:03:00.007+05:30

So I'm down in the dumps, and there are those basic set of things to do...

1. Get a massage
I woke up in the morning and pondered, a head and shoulder massage would do. Close by, easy, and not too heavy on the pocket. So I strolled down to my regular parlour and found that Republic Day seemed synonymous with waxing day, the whole place was brimming with chattering people. I entered the cabin only to hear(rather see) belly laughter-I named her jiggle cheeks the second I saw her. (I hate sharing a cabin, even when I dont want solitude. )And the massage began...Jiggle cheeks updated the girls on how the latest casting couch was doing it from the back, Akshay insisted on it with Katrina, it was always Shahrukhs favourite (which explains why he has begun to resemble an ape i suppose). By the end of all the orgys the only thing that was lighter was my wallet.

2. Meditate

My room is peaceful- it really is, all I do is look at my blue walls and feel happy. What is not at peace however is my head. So I try to sit in an upright position and concentrate (not to be unfair, maybe the massage did a bit of good by making me tad drowsy). The thoughts move (just like when they show a conversation in that 70's show and camera moves from hyde, to eric to kelso and back to hyde) I think of light, a calm Buddha, and Jiggle cheeks. Jiggle cheeks is orchestrating a menage a trois with Akshay, Katrina and herself! Aaaaaaaaaaaaa.

3. Read

Nothing like a good book. I started a book called 'Lovely Bones'. It went on to unravel a story about a 14 year old who was brutually raped inspite of her 99 please dont hurt me's, and then murdered with a razor and shaving cream.

Just the kind of thing to lift me up. Next.

4. Shop

How easy is that, especially when youre a girl! So I set out with full intention of breaking my 2007 resolution of 'you donot go bezerk buying shoes when depressed'. I entered the usual linking road haunts and began browsing around. Its always amused me to see the way the man shouts a number and a shoe is just dropped down from a hole in the ceiling. So much so I was right under staring at the man, and was oblivious to the fact that he was staring at me back. Unfortunately a bemused child staring vis a vis a woman staring doesnt quite give the same connotation, and in his daydream joota no do so taitalees kaala colour came flinging down.

- - - - - - - - - - -

So I've decided next time I'm down i the dumps...I'm going to stay that way!

Grey turned to Black

2009-01-25T04:20:00.004+05:30

let me drift, yest i dreamt the sweetest
my reality was but a dream,
the centre of the ice was only the warmest,
the focus of the flame, cool is seem.

but you arose me, gold of dawn
as the coarse war dust slack
and i surfaced to a world
Grey had just turned to Black

Just another evening...

2008-12-25T11:38:00.008+05:30

Just another evening by my window

The sun blazed the whirlwinds fest

Yet how long will the fury last for

Will the fire burn after the sun has set

Tree Huggin'

2008-04-19T23:42:00.003+05:30

I admit. Its my new therapy-go hug a tree.

It all started one day, early morning walk in the garden behind my home.At 6:30am its quite pleasant, the Bombay humidity is still asleep. I decided to speed up a bit, and stumbled. My left hand pressed on to the trunk of the tree-and I a felt an electric vibe. The same vibes I feel when I meditate, the same ones when I practise Vipassana, the same vibes of peace.

The next morning, I tried it again and yet again. I tried it with different trees-it didnt work, just seemed to be this one! I discussed the same with Ani, who exclaimed his mother believes the very same-that trees let out healing and positive vibration.
It went on to become a routine, every morning I go and hold the tree with both my hands. Its no longer an experiment-its a feeling of bliss.

Do I sound nutty? What the hell you'll never know -- go find your hugging tree.

Damned

2008-03-06T12:01:00.004+05:30

I have dreams. So it is not your fault.Its mine.

Filmy Ghupchup

2008-02-28T00:33:00.003+05:30

So Ani and I are about to leave a party at SoBo, when a girl we chit-chatted with(abt her job in the film ad production) requested to be given a lift home. Sure! hop on, and it began...

Shahrukh Khan is gay. Karan, Manish Malhotra and his orgies are toh regular news,but he keeps picking up young boys from Hum Safar (a gay organization). Dont feel bad about Gauri..she's bi too............N dont ask about Aishwarya, she slept with Amitabh during Mohabatein days-n now married to Abhishek cheeeee. n ofcourse she slept with that full-of-boils face Subhash Ghai for Taal..............Preity is a chain smoker is not the eye raising fact but shes hooked onto cocaine, all that bubbly nature is cause of the bubbles she sees post hash............Shaahid slept with Vidya Balan, so Kareena ditched him,n poor K is made out to be the bitch............oh one of the best couples is Anil Kapoor-no rumours/affairs so far........Akshay Kumar toh cheats left right n centre-slept with everyone............n Aamir is nice,he didnt have any affairs until his marriage with Reena was rocky-the longest one being with Nandita Das.......if you believe Salman is loyal.dead loyal.Katrina is not (Akshay kumar u see)...........n u think the Dubai shows are for the NRI public, noone sees the Sheikh 'Maha-boob' in the corner deciding who is going to sleep with. And no actress says no the Sheikhs...........Shilpa Shetty may have official estimated 8 crore earning, but the unofficial money she has earned because of sleeping with sheikhs would put Julia Roberts to shame.....its a million dollar industry out there!........

Oi! I have to get off here. Sccreeeech. Uff!.....

2008-01-25T23:17:00.000+05:30

Like the black dust from my lips
that float into space, and laid there
there, until it was time
to come back into the winds
float like a leaf in autumn
to burn back into dust
and land
in the same cold traingle of steel
setting it to light
so to be proved yet again
the anguish is not the way
for I am beyond

For the harsher words are better
than the silent curse
the anguish was not the way
I am beyond.

Infidelity

2008-01-13T03:06:00.000+05:30

We gave up our dream
to make a path

between reality and compromise;

Disloyal to oneself

True to the eclipse

And we named it Life

Tagged!! 8 Random things about me

2007-10-23T22:48:00.000+05:30

I got tagged..by Non-Sequitur. 8 hard facts it is....

Me on Love
You can love me with all your heart, but if you dont love me the way I want to be loved...then your not happening. Good chemistry, good fun, good looks, good money, good intellect, good nature- you think thats good enough? your still not happening.

Me on Romantic
I love watching construction sites, high cranes, tall buildings. The most romantic moment is being amongst tall skyscrapers, watching them be created block by block. Its just the concept that 'somethings being built'.

Me on Tears
A mere 'shut up' can make me cry. I cry when.. Im upset, angry, very relieved, irritated, im in pain, see loved ones in pain, see strangers in pain. I howl when I see injustice.

Me on Sacred
Life...the only thing I consider sacred on this earth.

Me on my Interests
The only thing thats interests me- is when the interests go on changing. If one cannot be open to try it all, and experience it all-then it cant be interesting enough for me.

Me on Friends
Water thicker than blood....anyday.

Me on Work
As long as I can learn n grow, meet new people id like to know,
As long as the moolah flows in too, Work is all im gonna do!

Me on Spirituality
Its my ultimate goal in life-to set myself free. I believe humans can leave their bodies, walk on water, make the winds change direction,simply do anything one wants to do. As someones favourite quote goes "Some men see things as they are and say why? I dream of things that never were and say-why not"..Yeah!

And Tagged....Parag, 666, Vbv...

Perfection Blues

2007-10-02T18:32:00.000+05:30

As you can see...

every hue of joyful blue

is in me!

------------------------------------

As you can see...

a net lies behind me

But am I trapped under it

Or am I free above it

Or I am only,what my mind lets me be?

-------------------------------------

As I can see...

We would be perfect together

But i am imperfect now

So us not being together is perfect

And this fight for freedom...

left bound me forever.

-------------------------------------

Such kinda days...

2007-09-12T00:22:00.000+05:30

Remember, when my mom insisted I go all the way into town to buy train tickets for Poona (the days when there was no expressway nor online booking). I was almost irritated being dragged on a public holiday.
I dressed up my casualest best-track pants and a tee; you saw me and said lets goto Pearl of the Orient.And so we did,as the rain beat against the windows,as college students having no money, as I could watch the seas.

Such carefree kinda days...
---------
You remember the day I bunked office for the morning;it was those perfect kind of days-cloudy and cool. We went to watch Shrek, ate at crepe station and drove by the sea-side. I was so happy through out the day.

Such fun kinda days...
---------
Remember, at the snow park, everyone was enjoying all the snow rides. Post 40 mins, we looked at each other and just ran out. Went straight to the tea store and ordered two pots of piping hot chai.Then after few sips, we looked at each other and just laughed.

Such warm kinda days...
---------
You recall the night,post an argument at 1:30 am, we went for a drive. And we drove and drove..out of the city, to the capital, only to discover the gorgeous palace.By 4am I was starved..only to see the Burger King on the opposite side of the freeway, so we drove round and round until the exit, and until I got my bean burger!

Such mad kinda days...
--------
72 floors above Singapore City,drinks at the bar,and a lovely dinner in the outdoors. Then chatting with you about everything and nothing through half the night.

Such treasured kinda days...
-------
I used to be so afraid to sit on your bike. And then we went for a ride, and just rode and rode and rode. From holding onto the bike to holding the winds in my hand.

Such free kinda days...
------

Such kinda days......

Painting the skies

2007-08-19T13:05:00.000+05:30

A typical early morning..... no dont imagine sun rise, tweeting birds, or quiet roads. It was a typical working early morning--honking of huge vegetable trucks, the wholesale bhaji walis dashing across the road and the occasional garbage van leaving for their daily rounds.

The car screeched to a halt behind a large yellow "Horn OK Please" , after observing and re-observing the pink lotus designs painted on the truck, the car managed to cut lanes and get ahead.....only this time to be stuck behind "Raja and Rani".

There were a string of taxis-she resigned to the fact that this was going to take a while. The entire stretch of the road is flanked by kothmir and methi (corriander and fenugreek respectively) sellers, and the smell is almost pungent and always gets one coughing.

Overhead the dark clouds floated by, but not a single drop fell, their destination was elsewhere. Her eyes wandered to the further skies a dark set of clouds were approaching covering the sun. She said the word -- 'Ghayath' (rain). Like a chant, Ghayath. The honking stopped, the road blurred, with her whole soul into the power of the word, Ghayath.

The first few drops of rain fell, she continued to chant, and put her hand outside the window to feel the creation. Her eye followed a drop as it fell onto the tip of her finger and slid gently down to the mount of her palm, just then a silver car skidded to a stop in the lane besides her. Her eyes wavered to see the driver, his eye was fixed on the last quarter of the sun going behind the clouds, but his lips were chanting, fervently chanting.

She didn't need to be Nostrodamus to know what he was chanting. The clouds slowly began to turn, and the drizzle grew fainter as the sun glared back onto the now completely covered kothmir street.

Honnnnnkkkkkk-everything came back to life, the babble of the wholesale sellers, the beggar kids playing in the muck, the crude marathi chatter. In that second, the silver car cut into her lane and sped away on the open road ahead. The realization of obnoxious smell lead her into a coughing frenzy, dotted with the abuses from the car drivers behind.

The car purred into the first gear finally, she looked into the rear view mirror and her eyes stopped at the unmistaken sight of the tip of a rainbow. She stopped the car to the side and got out- to see the glorious band of colours stretched across the skies.

She smiled. She sighed.

It would be a long time before she could create a rainbow on her own.

Calling?

2007-06-06T09:38:00.000+05:30

My eyes opened, it has been an uncanny dream, and I could feel a frown forming on my brow. The clock on the mantelpiece showed 3:38am. I sat upright and decided to meditate; my thoughts however chose to have me diving under Aussie seas chasing after my P.G.Wodehouse book. 'Blessed night', I cursed, falling back onto my bed.

I flashed back

---

It had been but 2 months back since I was at the Vipassana retreat at Igatpuri. For the un-initiated, Vipassana is a meditation technique promoted by Goenka. This 10 day rigorous course teaches the mind to be alert and notice sensations which emit from the internal body.

Each emotion experienced, we emote a range of sensations-positive vibrations or negative such as pain and discomfort. Every iota of our body is continuously experiencing a sensation which is ever changing. This technique enables one to observe those sensations.

The 10 days of absolute disconnect helps, as does the Arya Maun(complete silence), but not as much as the vibrations of that place.

On the 6th day of my course for the first time I managed to feel complete sensations all over my body, the sensation of a high frequency vibration on every part.

It was also the last time I felt it.

'R' my buddy who sent me there explained it to me, 'You wanted it so much, that you concentrated on recurring the same feeling rather than on what you were actually experiencing.' The main aim of Vipassana is to be detached to all the sensations-good or bad. To acknowledge and to know--that whatever comes...goes.

I confess though once I have been back, it has gotten harder to concentrate.

---

As I feLl back on my bed, I was beyond despair, beyond frustrated-I had simply given up. So I started again-and it came, slowly flowing over my entire skin, engulfing me with vibrations.

It was a blessed night indeed

---

PS- R...owe you one too many

Reminder

2007-04-17T23:19:00.000+05:30

Pain...
because it reminds me my purpose on this earth is to never come back.

Shhh

2007-02-19T21:59:00.000+05:30

It was her funeral-she was a good soul, even jovial until the end fighting her cancer.

The dastoor(priest) stood there chanting their prayers into the holy fire.One couldnt see their lips as they wore a mouth covering to protect themselves from the intense smoke.

But further behind him-stood she. She the wife of a priest. She who silently mouthed the same prayer but from holier lips.

The whole crowd shut their eyes and concentrated into the fire-except my eyes which didnt leave her face even once.

It is unusual for a member of her community to not be fair, most of the community is light skinned, however she was closer to wheatish-olive. But as the intensity of the fire grew, the chants grew louder and louder, I saw her face radiate a white light. A light like I had never seen.She left the room immediately.

I wanted to go upto to her and ask her, and yet my instinct told me otherwise, and my heart screamed for me to stay put. A few moments later she returned-wheatish olive.

I confided in a close relative, and told her what I saw. Her eyes widened and turned to me,
"You saw!" she said, and then added firmly 'one never discusses ones spiritual power, when you have to learn it-it will come to you, but donot ask.'

My eyes were filled with tears, because I was so close to finding a source and yet now an eternal wall had been built. Because what I truly want is to radiate more light than she did.

Her voice softened 'Its called khote (khot-teh) which means Aura, when one reaches a higher spiritual side. But we donot speak about it'

We donot speak about it. So shhhh.

Transcending Space

2007-02-04T22:09:00.000+05:30

It was a hot day, but I felt refreshed almost as soon as I entered the room. There were straw mats laid all over, spiritual music played softly in the background and one could hear the melodious sound of flowing water. The walls of the room covered with art works depicted the elements of nature in tune with the Gods and Godesses.

Satish Gupta's latest collection-Cosmic Matrix II transcends his previous.

Right from the tranquility of Lord Buddha reaching nirvan, the fiery Kali in splashing reds,the holy calligraphically written Arabic scrpit, to the radiating blue shivlingam, Satish Gupta has encaptured the Gods inner force of Space, Fire and Air.

Personal favourite:Transcending Space-A 68" X 48" painting of Lord Buddha in hues of grey.

Inspired from the sculptures at Bayon, the painting depicts the now decayed sculptures test of time by painted cracks all across the face. On a closer look one can see the eye balls of Lord Buddha facing upwards towards the chakra.

Can be viewed at Jehangir Art Gallery, Kala Ghoda, Bombay.

Price Range: INR 400,000-18,00,000.

I just wanna be God

2006-12-18T21:48:00.000+05:30

A conversation over diet health food, and a cup of black tea:

'Do you think God is all powerful?'

'Hmmm debatable'

'What about sadistic?'
One eyebrow raised

'I mean why..would anyone who created a world, create so much pain? If God does have the power that people believe he does-why doesnt he heal the sick, lessen the burdens of the heart and why for heavens sake(ironical I use heaven huh) would someone propogate suffering?'

'Well maybe he didnt create the world. Maybe he controls it?'

'If he's just a controller why would he watch innocents being killed, drug abuse, child molestations? How different is a psychopath then? And if he didnt create the world we dont really need to thank him for the beauties of nature.'
'And definately dont give me the bullshit that he created sorrow so that we can appreciate joy. You donot watch women being raped so that she knows what it feels like to be happy'

'Do you even believe in God's existence?'

'I do. I know youre wondering how but I do.I just dont think he has anything to do with my creation or my control over my life, joys and lows.'

'A by-stander?'

'I think he was just a good human being. And when they say he's in us, I believe its in each one of us to be like him. And the ones that reach there, join him-the rest get stuck in the rigmarole of earth and life. '

'We consider God as a superpower'

'No, he was just like us-you and me, except he learnt how to direct the power of his mind'

'He's human, and Im human--how?'

'You dont get it, he's human alright, you're not human enough'

'Whats your point?'

'To be complete human, is to be like God-completely one with the universe.Its the ultimate achievement.'

'And how can we be 'more' human?'

'I dont know. Thats what I want to find out but I just dont know how......'

Its 3 am...

2006-12-15T21:33:00.000+05:30

It was 3am.

One of those typical nights in Bombay, hot and humid with a few gusts of breeze bringing relief into the night.

Standing by the black granite window sill she could see the dark blue city blending into the black sky. The empty road was lit by a flickering bulb, not a soul in sight-except for the watchman who had fallen asleep hours ago. Not a bird stirred, nor a dog bark, just 2 voices talking over the telephone.

'I wish I could be with you right now'
'Me too, but you know its impossible for me to get out at this hour. Where were you?'
'I was out with my friend-just chilling together, he and I hadn't met up in long'
'Hmmm'
'Kya hua?'
'Now I just wish I could see you'
'Im below your house'
'What??'
'Do not lie'
'Im below your house'
'Right, crap'
'You'll see and hear me in exactly 3 seconds'

HONK! A white car sped past across the road.

Not a single leaf rustled,the drowsy moon didnt peek out from the clouds and the sleeping dogs lay. But her whole world had arisen to his love.

And she wonders

2006-11-17T23:11:00.002+05:30

She had planned it all out, all at the age of 13-it had to be Commerce, arts was for the not-so-clever and science was for the geeky. It had to be south mumbai-that was where the good crowd was, and it was the place to be.

She did just that.

During college, it had to be BMS-cause that was the course which gave the practical aspect, and post that it had to be a job-MNC only.

She did just that.

M.B.A was a must-for the people one meets, for the learning, for the paycheck, for the pride. The job that followed had to be front office-MNC only.

She did just that.

She had determined-she would work hard, she would be liked, she would slog, and she would rise.

And she met him. And it all shattered.

She saw someone who lived for a desire, for a dream. There was no routine, no assured return, no concrete plans. The job was not a chore and the existence was not a question mark. It was effortless, natural drive and through inner vision. Work was love, and life was fulfilled.

He lived his passion.

And she wondered-could she ever just quit to follow a dream? what courage it would take to pursue a desire? Give it all up-all the years she had planned for-just to follow an instinct?

Would she ever be able to live her passion?

Eid Mubarak.

2006-10-23T21:34:00.000+05:30

We'd run up the wooden stairs hand in hand until the last floor of the 3 storeyed building, and slowly peek inside the ajarred door. He would be sitting there as always- on the red and green mosaic carpet spread across the floor,a grim face but with a prayer always on his lips.

"Salaam Alaikum Dadajaan"

"As-salaam alaikum" would be the prompt grunt back

"Eid mubarak" while kissing his hand in respect.

We looked for dadijaan's warm smiling face, her head poked into the room almost when she heared our greetings. "Eid Mubarak!" with kisses on both her cheeks, she'd lead the way to the kitchen where she had been preparing the food since 3 days even during her rozas.

Some people like sheer korma hot, some like it cold-I cant decide which one I prefer, so I simply would have two bowls. First the hot one and then I'd make my way to the fridge and take a huge helping of cold sheer korma. Like every grandmother who likes to see children relish their cooking, I was dadijaan's pet; her eyes would light up watching me clean sweep the bowl.

Dadajaan would enter the room, a few times I almost thought (though not sure) I saw a gleam in his eyes watching us all huddled on the floor with a large bowl of sheer korma in the centre. He would give us Eidiya (Eid money) and say 'the greatest joy one can derive from money-is by giving it away'. The golawala seemed the perfect person to give it away to at that age.

Looking back, it is the one of the wisest thing someone has said to me. On this Eid day, I will do just as you told me as a child and I know if youre watching me from above-your eyes will light up.

Eid Mubarak.

I heart Dxb

2006-10-06T21:40:00.000+05:30

I just dont know how to start this post, this thought evokes too many emotions and I just havent been able to structure it since days,so this is how the post is going to be-ad hoc.

----

I fear my blog is beginning to look like a travelogue, but then this trip was more than travel. I got teary eyed the minute I saw the sandy dunes from the airplane, "not now!" was all the comment my companion had to offer.

We landed, holy month of Ramadan, no food, no water, scorching sun, waiting for my friend to meet us-it was perfect. Im not being sarcastic, it was all wrong, but it had never been so right. Euphoric wouldnt describe it, it was an odd sense of freedom...to be where I want to be, no 'things-to-do' running in my head. I think i felt for the first time in my life-Im living just for me.

I simply turned my night into day-was up till 4 am, out on the streets, at all my fav places-irish village, 360, dubai marina,starbucks,haagen dazs,odyessy.The 2 new things I did was try out Buddha Bar and went to the Dubai Museum-I enjoyed both tremendously.

At the museum there was an Indian and a local salesman at the souvenir shop, I was asking them where I could get a certain kind of souvenir from, to which he replied when you go for the desert safari you can get it there; to which the local simply replied 'shes not a tourist, it seems as if she lives here'. I dont know how he made out, but I was beaming.

Ofcourse Dubai means malls,and I covered most of them, but more important for me was all my friends which I got to meet-all the catching up, the long chats, the gossip!It was good to see everyone settled all talking about their jobs, HNI clients and their new cars(what a change from ppl who tried to save every 10 bucks mere 3 months back)!

The afternoon I was to return to Bbay, I woke up at 5 am to the sound of the morning prayers, I have been hearing them ever since I was a child and find the greatest peace in melodious prayer.That morning from the balcony I saw one of the most beautiful sunrises over the city of Dubai.

I flew Etihad btw, for the gyaan it is the national airline of UAE not Emirates like most people believe. Its also a damn good airline-plush seats, large private screen which had an option of over 73 flicks, tv serials and video games! The only hitch is that it lands at Abu Dhabi ofcourse.

The day we were to return, we had to catch a bus which takes us from Dxb to Dhabi,the traffic on Sheikh Zayed was so bad,the taxi crawled on a road we usually drive at 140.

Managed to miss the bus, left my cellphone in the cab, got it back after much effort, the cabbie we called to take us to abu dhabi didnt show up, anyhow we made the flight.

Eitherways, it was perfect-and Im not being sarcastic.

Phuket-sea n sand joys and lady boys

2006-09-10T15:41:00.000+05:30

My dearest company(I love office) took all of us for an offsite to Phuket. I loved it the minute I peaked outside the aircraft window and below the clouds I could see the bluest of seas.

We were put up at Hilton, 75 acres of natural beauty bang on the beachfront. A large room to yourself and a peacock that flitted around everyones balcony.

The first night was at 'Walking Street'. The entire stretch is flocked by little open air pubs, few restaurants and lady boys. With their petite bodies, long hair, make up and short skirts-one wouldnt be able to guess that these pick up women are well..not women. As my tour guide coyly said " You'll never know until its too late".

Then, we went for my very first 'show'. It was typical with all the women dancing around few poles, and then the show began. A woman came and stuck a whistle up her hole and then using her pelvic muscles she blew the whistle (thats when i burst out laughing), the next act was performed similarly with two cigarettes (I was in splits), the third was with an endless string of coloured ribbons (by then I was holding my sides). She disappeared behind a door for a minute only to come out with a jar of water, then she wriggled out 2 live fish into the jar!! I stopped laughing just about there; we left-I think we had enough of magic shows for the night.

It was followed by a disco called Banana's-the dj played some amazing trance n hiphop tracks, and played a punjabi number for all the Indians in the crowd (read:only us) I guess we really must have burnt up the dance floor. On intervals disc had bubble machines put on, so the whole floor was covered with bubbles. I simply loved the concept! (Wish Bbay would get some creative ideas like that)

The next day brought about the water sports and beach part pf phuket, which I enjoyed infinately more than the magic show of the previous night. Para sailing was a treat, its just unbelievable to be soaring high in the open air, banana boat was well-wet, and it was followed by more rounds of para sailing.
--------
Wish I could have stayed tad longer, but the Thai curry at Bangkok beckoned...
Till another trip.

Mandom Rumblings

2006-08-15T00:01:00.000+05:30

I had begun to write a serious post et al but it all got lost amongst the electricity going, my mom demanding to check her mails and I falling off to sleep. In the bargain there has been lots on my mind, and so I ....mumble.

-----

There are so many things that we come across in our lives daily and yet we dont know. I have always been curious how much taxiwalas earn, so I started questioning my cabbie enroute to town. A Mumbai cab costs Rs 230 per day as rental, Rs 150 worth of gas is filled everyday-so a cabbie has to make at least 400 to break even, over and above that is all profits for him. The person who owns the cab usually lets it out on 2 shifts, thus earns 460 a day and has to pay for maintenance.

Need to find out about autos too.

Gyaan tip: the taxi/auto walas wearing a white shirt indicates that they own the vehicle, whereas the ones wearing olive green/khaki have rented the vehicle from someone.

------

I wonder if people confuse passion and working hard. Like I met a man who just works and works, the minute he got onto a job-he was there whole and soul. I thought it was brilliant dedication, until I had a chat with N who brought a different perspective completely. Sometimes people become just too mechanical, and they continue to be robots because that is all that they are good at, and are afraid to try anything new because of the unsurety.

Obsessive stock brokers-who knows the one thing that may find utmost joy is in art!
-----

It was a Saturday morning, and I was at work, after having slept at 3am I was prepared for a drowsy morning. Two of my colleagues N and V gathered around my desk and we started chatting.

We spoke on the media industry vis a vis the finance industry's style of working and life; Discovery channel shows on test pilots for fighter planes; how a certain sect of Mexicans sell their house and all their worldly goods-set out and just travel the world; how its necessary to just cut yourself from the world and do something new; how a photographer working for say animal planet has to wait 5 days for a lion to make a move for him to get one shot, how the lion has to live through his whole life for the photographer to complete his series-work life passion and purpose.

Whether we would ever have as much passion as that photographer, gain as much knowledge as the man who travels the world, do something completely different from the herd.

I confess, I have never been as awake as I was that morning

-----

More later...until the next thoughts that enwrap my brain.

Through my eyes

2006-07-28T19:25:00.000+05:30

Try.....as home as you can make it,
It will never be the same as being in the wild.

Try...as natural as you can make it,
But it will never be the same as being free.

Mumbai, tujhe salaam ya badnaam ?

2006-07-16T11:03:00.000+05:30

7-11 happened, and it shook the trains, middle class, police, and even the Prime Minister. As an observer of this mayhem I came across 2 distinct opinions in the sentiments of the people. There was one set who saluted Mumbaikars, and indeed they should-the trains were back on track, forget that there were people in the train, in less than 24 hours! There was this other set whose shrieks voiced, ‘How can this city carry on, when so many have lost their lives, and so many more might in the coming future?’

A common acquaintance was on the ill-fated train which was bombed at Khar, she related the incident to me, she was in the ladies compartment and but 2 bogeys ahead the fatal bomb burst, for a few seconds no one could comprehend what had occurred, but when the black smoke filled their lungs and blocked their vision, instinct said ‘jump’.
As they passed the detonated bogey she said she saw no dead bodies, until she realised the butchered like pieces strewn around were parts of human beings, when she stepped back and looked towards it again she realised the whole compartment had blood spurts covering it.

Mumbai’s spirit indeed, this spirit allows them to move on with life faster than people can anticipate. The last words of my common acquaintance on the phone was ‘I hope they manage to clear out the tracks, and get the trains running again for I intend to catch the Borivili local to work tomorrow else it gets too inconvenient’. Frankly if the commuters who experienced the blast were willing to get back onto the same compartments, I don’t see how rest of Mumbai can feel scared. Next evening I watched the live telecast of the trains on the news channels-I confess they were not as crowded as they usually are, but I could also assure you that you wouldn’t get place to sit nor hang by the pole, maybe of those rare evenings where you could get off without punching someone’s face.

My friend Ani emailed me voicing his opinions on this so called ‘Spirit of Mumbai’. I tried to ration it out-why do people flock to Mumbai in the first place? Infrastructure is better in Hyderabad, Chennai is cleaner, Bangalore is less polluted-so its got to be the money. When this city shut down for 2 days due to the rains last year Mumbai lost over $2 million of business, the next day people scrambled and waded to work to make up for the losses. The one thing that drives this city to work is the money, most want to earn and all have to survive. This is what makes Mumbai commercial capital of India, this is the never say die spirit of Mumbai.

But regarding the blast I wonder it is really spirit or is it indifference in a charade?
Let me start with my own example, what did I a citizen of Mumbai living just mere 10 mins from the site of the blast do? I tried to contact everyone I knew and watched the horror on the news. There is no point in sympathy or empathy for that matter-if one cannot get out on the street and help those that needed aid. I probably should have been at the station to help the injured or do small things like gather rickshaws to take the wounded to the hospitals. But what I did was I watched it on TV, I saw most of the people that were there helping were the lower middle class--why,do the upper middle not like having their hands soaked in blood? Inspite of the fact that the first class general compartment is usually filled with the upper middle class male society.

Is it not true that our government gets away each time because the city is up and running? The credit does not go to the officials but the people of the city. Bad rains, part riots, bomb blasts- yet we travel. If the city shut down, would the officials then finally react? From sources, 42kgs of RDX has been brought into the city a mere 10 to 12 kgs would have been utilized in the 8 blasts. Are we to live everyday in fear?
Yes I agree if the city shut down then the terrorists will consider they have won-but if the city continues there will be more-is it worth lives of innocent citizens. It is very easy for the unaffected to say Mumbai won, just because your brother, father, son, relative, friends were not on those ill-fated trains.

---------------------------------
I salute to lower middle class, for helping out those in need and pain. I only know that what goes around comes around.
And Helen Keller’s words ring in my head “In three words I can sum up everything I have learnt about life, it moves on"

Homeward Bound

2006-06-20T13:36:00.000+05:30

My friend dj while chatting with me questioned me 'Whats the best part about Singapore' and I was 'Well, hmm its very disciplined'. His pat reply was 'Dont be boring, think what else is did you like?'
And so this blog has emerged, its the small things that make life convenient in Singapore, well here it goes:

1. Well...discipline, the people are, the traffic is-it makes life a lot simpler. You wont really see fights (no I dont enjoy watching them), no rowdy behaviour, no one dares to comment at a woman.

2. MRT: Thats their trains, its clean, efficient, fast.I dont have to jump on, push anyone to get in, and while alighting the passengers wait by the side so that one can get off comfortably.
For those who know Singapore there are 3 main lines or routes, but one has to keep switching lines to reach certain destinations-the government realised this and have started making a 4th line called 'Circle line' which connects all the unconnected places. I like the fact that the government sees a certain problem and works towards solving it and making the citizens lives genuinely easier.

3. Clarke Quay! Its where I stayed in Singapore during the latter half of my stay, its an inland water body surrounded by restaurants and pubs. My favorite being 'Crazy Elephant'-a place where they have a live rock/blues band, and keeps airing hilarious jokes on their screens like "Viagra is coming up with a tablet for females-Whats it called? :: Niagara." Well the blue seas, blues (the music) and beer-its quite a charming place.

4. 7-11: Its the 24 hour convenient store, which keeps everything and a few basic medicines. I dont know why its called 7-11 though, cause its opened 24 hrs-365 days? Theres one at every corner, makes life much easier-wish they would spring up a few in Bbay as well.

5. Plastic bags : As it rains nearly every second day in Singapore, most of the malls and the business centres-keep a stack of water proof plastic bags (its free), so one can dump their purses, bags, files, laptops etc. It serves a dual purpose-those that wish to get out into the rain can do so, and it also prevents the floors from getting dirty by dripping water from bags, files etc.

6. The Rubbish Chute : I know this may sound odd, but every house has a rubbish chute where one throws their garbage, the garbage vans simply put a tube into the main outlet and suck all the garbage into an enclosed van. This ensures that the garbage is never out in the open keeping germs, bacteria and insects at bay.

7. Ministry of Sound: When I visited Sentosa Island, an entertainment park kinds I saw the musical fountains, which was largely a cartoon and light effects projected on a water screen. I found the cartoon too kiddish (i know it wasnt meant for me in the first place) but one of my first thoughts were I wish a disc would have lights on a water projection-the effect would be mindblowing. When I entered Ministry of Sound, the largest room had exactly that. It wasnt half as appealing as I had imagined, but still barring the execution-the idea is brilliant. Trance and psychedelic lights dancing all around you in the water.

8. The interesting people, from different cultures you get to meet (I especially interacted with many Germans) but this is esp to people I went out with, had converstaions with: Andy-Bloomberg journalist, Hans-my german bus partner who turrned out to be VP of Allianz, Petra-my german-chinese colleague who made work a nicer place.

9. Millenia towers: Thats my office-she looks real majestic in the morning-standing tall against the sky and all the clouds-under her wing, under her command.

Millenia, May I never see you again

----------------------------

Notes:

Homeward Bound is a movie about a dog who is lost and how he finally manages to find his way home-with a lot of lessons down the un-travelled path. Well I feel a lot like Sassy

And yet, I am now humming the tune of Country Roads-by Denver:
All my memories gathered round her, Miners lady, stranger to blue water
Dark and dusty, painted on the sky
Misty taste of moonshine
Teardrops in my eye
I hear her voice
In the mornin hour she calls me
The radio reminds me of my home far away
And drivin down the road I get a feelin
That I should have been home yesterday
Country Roads, Take me home,
To the place I belong
West Virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads.

If Investment banks were Musicians

2006-05-25T21:54:00.000+05:30

It isnt often I put up a link on my blog. But for all those finance yuppies-this is a must read!Even more hilarious for those who have worked in these organizations

http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=10000039&sid=anPFr7olXfIA&refer=columnist_gilbert

(heres the link to the original site)

If Investment banks were Musicians-Mark Gilbert, Bloomberg

Investment banks have personalities that are reflected in how they go about their business and how their peers view them. Bands express their character traits through the music they make and the company they keep. What happens when you match banks with musicians?

1) Goldman Sachs = The Rolling Stones
Goldman Sachs Group Inc. occupies an odd position in the investment-banking pantheon. The world's No. 1 securities firm by market value is unloved by its peers and universally regarded as arrogant. Its prodigious appetite for hard work and its unrivaled profit-generating abilities arouse jealousy and admiration in equal measure.
Goldman could almost be U2. While its followers are devoted, it's still not quite cool to admit to loving the Irish band. The rock 'n' roll establishment struggles to cherish a band whose lead singer, Bono, rubs shoulders with presidents and popes as he campaigns against global poverty.U2, though, would never embrace Goldman's aim of being ``long-term greedy.'' So, step forward the Rolling Stones; no one ever accused Mick Jagger and Keith Richards of paying anything less than full attention to the bottom line.

2) Citigroup = Ozzy Osbourne
In ``Liar's Poker,'' Michael Lewis wrote that the key to being a successful trader at Salomon Brothers in the 1980s was a willingness to bite the ass off a bear every morning. Ozzy Osbourne would have fitted right in; around the same time he is reputed to have bitten the head off a dead bat thrown on stage after assuming it was a rubber toy.

Salomon is now part of Citigroup Inc.'s empire. Ozzy is now more famous for parading his family on a reality television show broadcast by MTV. Both Citigroup and Ozzy are growing old disgracefully; Citigroup's many and varied brushes with the authorities around the world make the bank worthy of an alliance with the former Black Sabbath singer.

3) Deutsche Bank = Fleetwood Mac
A lazy comparison would equate Deutsche Bank AG, Germany's only global bank, with Kraftwerk, Germany's only global band. Reliant on technology for success, secretive, Teutonic and somewhat emotionless, they have a lot in common.
A different list of attributes, though, suggests an alternative. Immensely profitable? Check. Years of infighting and not communicating with one another? Check. Badly in need of a style makeover? Check. It's Fleetwood Mac.

4) JPMorgan = Radiohead
JPMorgan Chase & Co. executives used to boast about the bank's roomful of 250 Ph.D.s, designing exotic derivatives strategies and proprietary mathematical models to tickle the wackier wedges of the world's financial markets for profit. Too clever by half, and needing another big hit to remain relevant? It could almost be REM. Radiohead edges it.

5) Barclays Capital = Oasis
The capital-markets division of Barclays Plc could be the Red Hot Chili Peppers; chaotic in the 1990s, gained some focus in the early years of this decade, now looking a bit bloated and self-indulgent. Or Barclays Capital could be Keane, since both rose without a trace and are seemingly missing a key component, with Barclays surviving without an equity business and Keane bashing out pop music without the aid of guitars.
Oasis is a better fit. Snarling insolence failed to break the U.S. market and, while past its peak, the band is still capable of flashes of brilliance. Moreover, it probably has twice as many employees as needed. I just can't work out which Gallagher brother, Noel or Liam, is Barclays Plc President Bob Diamond.

6) Morgan Stanley = Coldplay
Deadly earnest. Blue-blooded. Well-heeled. Regularly at the top of the charts, though even fans have the nagging sense they might just be going through the motions. Morgan Stanley and Coldplay are made for each other.

7) Merrill Lynch = Madonna
Both Merrill Lynch & Co. and Madonna peaked in the 1980s and have been irrelevant since the 1990s, notwithstanding umpteen attempts at reinvention. A willingness to jump on any passing bandwagon keeps David Bowie fresh; it leaves both Merrill and Madonna looking a bit like Whitney (Houston) dressed as Britney (Spears).

8) HSBC = any boyband
Guns N' Roses has been poised to release ``Chinese Democracy'' for a decade. While some tracks have been performed live or been leaked in rough form, the album itself still isn't available. HSBC Holdings Plc has been poised to use its platform in Asian investment banking as the springboard to become a fully fledged global investment bank for at least as long.
HSBC, though, could be any manufactured boyband. The true performers earn peanuts, while the management reaps the financial rewards. And, if there is a genius Robbie Williams lurking in the line-up, there's too much dead wood for the talent to shine through.

9) UBS = Phil Collins
The bank and the former Genesis drummer/singer are both rich, both based in Switzerland, and no one with any sense gives a hoot about either. Medallion men with year-round tans and chunky gold watches bank with UBS AG, and rate ``In the Air Tonight'' as their favorite track of all time.

10) Commerzbank = David Hasselhoff
Both Commerzbank AG and David Hasselhoff, the singing star of Knight Rider and Baywatch, are huge in Germany. Scientists have failed to explain why.

Waiting for the Rain

2006-05-25T21:36:00.000+05:30

This is dedicated to you both,
I woke up this morning because the sun was glaring into my face, I had to squint to see the time on the clock-it was still good 10 minutes before my usual alarm time but I decided to get out of bed anyways. I was arranging my purse and threw my umbrella on my bed-no point in carrying around weight especially when I can see(or rather cant see) the sun shining its brightest. I forgot my wise old words 'acute sunshine means heavy rains', and that is exactly what happened by early evening.

As I was visiting another branch I made my way through the malls and subways, I was on the roadside and I could see the lightning and watch the dark clouds water the streets of Singapore. But when I looked at the roads and the people-they were so nonchalant, like there was no spirit.

I shut my eyes, in that second I was transported:I was back in Bombay, and it had begun to pour, I remember people running towards shelter-in shops, under bus stops, even under a tree, and then there was us-we ran out of our homes to embrace the rain.
The first natural step was to call each other and meet near the sea-side, after which we would take a long walk drenching ourselves entirely. Then we would run to a café coffee day or barista, we frequented the bandstand one the most I believe. There we would sit and watch the white surf rise high and crash against the promenade, as we sipped hot chocolate mocha.

Over lots of gossip, chats and even more laughter-time would slip away. Even the clouds were tired, and the rain would subside leaving behind a cool breeze. It was time to return to our respective homes, to dry ourselves-until another day when the rain gods beckoned us again.

I opened my eyes and I had a smile across my lips.
Because some moments in life can be taken and frozen for eternity.
----------------------------------
The rains should soon reach Bbay, miss you guys and the rains.

I’m Racist….So?

2006-05-24T21:41:00.000+05:30

The word racists brings out sneers and aghast looks from most of the human race around me, but most of us don’t realise we are, in our own little way-a racist.

Living in India, I never delved too much on the subject, Gandhi faced it, so did Martin Luther King; did I honestly care? Not really. The only two times you think of it seriously, one if you are facing it and two if you are a racist yourself.

Coming to a different place, ensures that men envision their own land and fellow country men quite differently. I always thought Indians were intelligent, now I believe we’re a superior race as far as intellect is concerned. If there is a derivative problem to be solved and an Indian and Chinese come up with two different answers, I’d take the Indians-blindly. Don’t get me wrong the Chinese have a brilliant methodical brain, but I’m biased to the South Indian calculation skill set.

In a packed train, I’m seated and my station is about to arrive-who will be the lucky one to get my seat? you guessed right-the Indian. (barring the fact if there are elderly, or pregnant women-I’m human first). It doesn’t matter that the Indian has come back from an hour long of shopping and the other women are making their way home after a hard day of work.
The person I relate to most at work is a Pakistani, because he speaks the same language, he understands and appreciates shayari’s, he can share my kheer with me. When I get mithai’s I share it with only a few people-who said that the other communities will not enjoy Indian sweets, its just an assumption, but I don’t bother to find out, do I ?
Aren’t we racist within India as well? Gujuratis favour their own caste more ditto for Maharashtrians.

Sub-consciously the fact that we relate to a certain sect of people does play on our mind and affect our behaviour towards people. I belong to that section of people(which I believe is all humans)who connect with the like mindedness. Racist, I am indeed.

Welcome to Singapura Lah

2006-05-10T19:11:00.000+05:30

Your 30 and thriving, but cant own a car, and you will need to summon the cab 20 minutes prior at least (yeah even I though of yehyeh and naser bhai)
You will find that you are a millionaire but cant own a car:
That is because you need a no objection/ eligibility certificate to buy a car. The government gives out a few every period-so you bid, the highest bidder gets the certificate aka gateway to the car. Its like an open bribery system!
Imagine if it were there in India or Dubai for that matter- it would cause bloodshed!

In my food court you will get:
Chicken feet
beef organs
lamb brain
u-mein (just be happy you don’t know what that is)
Baa-U-Mein ( be overjoyed you don’t know what that is)
Don’t worry all ye vegetarians, they serve plain sprouts!!
(For all those that made a gross face while reading it, I have to watch it being eaten!)

I was walking on the MRT aka train station, and they began announcements- mandarin, malay, some chinky language, another chinky language, and the next one perked my head up- it was Tamil! Not that I understood a word but who cares I had never been so happy to hear tamil ever before as I did that day.

Everyday you will see immacuately dressed mannequins, they all have straight hair, fabulously dressed, n well chinky eyes(obviously). I cant make one out from the other, but yeah they sure do dress amazingly!

For those that are wondering whats ‘lah’ its like lah u know they say lah after every 3 or 4 words lah. But you cant say lah short and sweet lah you need to make it loud n screechy laaahhhhhh.

That’s it. Im coming home

Dont judge a book by its cover (definately not in an airplane)

2006-04-30T13:28:00.000+05:30

I entered the aircraft and passed down the aisle towards my seat, I passed her--angel looking. Her curly hair bounced off her shoulders and she smiled, she smiled to every passerby. Every person got taken in by the mix of her sweetness and charm. What a bundle of joy-all of 5 years.

All was mesmorizing until the movie 'Bluff Master' on the aircraft began. All the interested put on their headphones, the uninterested continued in the same fashion. Suddenly a high pitch shrill voice began to screech 'the whole thing is wrong bhaiya sabse bada rupaiya'. She sang the whole verbatim including the ooohs and ahhs. Everything disappeared; angel was gone for good.

A young boy of 10, sat two rows behind me began to explain to his mother why the airplane always flew over the sea and then changed direction. I was quite impressed, I didnot know that at 10, hell i didnt even know that when I was 23. Anyway he got a little carried away with telling his mom everything:

'the planes engines have started', ' now the plane is moving in front', 'the plane is turning right' , 'the plane has stopped', 'another plan is landing', 'the planes engines have started again', 'the plane is now building speed'

Uhhhhh, did i say intelligent??

As I took my seat I was disappointed to see an old maharashtrain couple(she wore a green sari, gold and red bangles, big bindi and only seemed to converse in marathi) sitting next to me-that removed any sort of conversation for the flight duration for sure. I was surpised when the purser came the man asked for a sweet martini and his wife said 'ill have the same'. When dinner arrived the man asked for a coke and she said can i have another sweet martini. She was barely 3/4th through her dinner when she asked for another sweet martini to take with dessert!

Post supper she was fast asleep (who wouldn't be after 3 martinis), but at least I was right about the no conversation.

Its amazing how we love

2006-04-21T15:22:00.000+05:30

Its amazing how we love life - unconditionally

even though it screws us over and over again.

India Shining?

2006-04-21T09:57:00.000+05:30

As I browsed through the pink papers every morning-I realised a pattern:
-J.P Morgan, IDF to buy 20% stake in L&T for 500cr
-Goldman may invest $100m in Pantaloon
-RIL strikes oil 27bn for 15 years
-India upgraded by Standard & Poors (about time-but anyway)

Every morning the papers are exploding with news, one investment being an x multiple of the other. Money just seems to be pouring in. India Shining? Maybe..but really where is all the money? Yes middle class in richer, but the standard of living doesnt seem to have improved.

The percentage of cars on the roads seems to have jumped higher than % increase of the BSE. Im sorry-did I say 'roads'? Infrastructure one of the key elements in the success of economy growth is lacking in our country. Mumbai however rich and however commercial is frankly a mess. I have read extensively about the changes and developments in Shanghai from an untalked of town to now a buzz city, aided by the government's USD40bn expenditure towards its infrastructure.

Dont get me wrong, I am not cynical about India, infact I am very pro it-but I just wonder what is taking them so long to develop it.As a citizen I seem to be able to do nothing about it as well.

And the news continues Beoing to set up a $100mn hub in Nagpur, Citigroup sells its stake to Infosys for $115mn....

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

2006-04-07T02:35:00.001+05:30

Sheer brilliance-is how I'd like to describe it. It takes much for me to write about a film, lets say this one just hit a chord.When I like a film, at the end of it-I watch all my favorite parts again, this one-I simply soaked in its brilliance.

When your best is the hellest, and yet after knowing it all, you are ready to go through it again. When the unconscious chooses your destiny.

I cant say Id recommend everyone watch it, for I believe only those that have given up something dear, will appreciate the the power of the film on their minds, because only they can see...what I saw....

eternal sunshine

The swish of the brush

2006-03-21T04:26:00.000+05:30

I had a lovely morning--it was spent not in reminiscing good memories of the past nor dreams of the future..I was soaking up the present.

It started with me going back to where I worked, familiar warm faces with genuine smiles and goodness, I could feel the warmth of the positive vibes all around. My manager had cleared his exams and got the stamp of an MBA which in turn gave us an excuse to celebrate with khamand, kachoris and jalebis. I also caught up with a few people I had been meaning to meet-it feels good to be in the company of the people you want to be in.

A trip to south mumbai is never complete if I dont visit Jehangir Art Gallery, my tryst with paintings started a few years ago and has only blossomed since. I got lost in the numerous hues and the swishes of the paint brush, until a truck load of tourists entered,of which im sure not even half knew the meaning of art appreciation. But love is a very overpowering force, soon I was oblivious to the crowd, the noise, and even the existance of another soul in the room, maybe that is the meaning of detached, maybe that is the feeling of fanaah.

I climbed the staircase to a cozy room which I call familiar-I know the terrace art gallery in and out, what paintings are done in which styles, placed where on the wall. As I entered my familiar haven I felt the intensity all around me, and I smiled to myself enwrapped in this feeling.

Caretaker: You've come after long
Me: Yes, true-I dont live in India anymore

I walked up to my favourite painting there,a large canvas:of a boat in the stormy sea,the painting is in all different shades of blue-it reminds of life, how we struggle to stay afloat, to move ahead and to stand tall.

Caretaker: Take it. You've always liked it. You know I would give you a good discount.
I met his eyes and smiled.Next time I visit the gallery,I should be able to take it-for now it was time to go.

Final Farewell

2006-03-16T18:46:00.000+05:30

Sometimes when you leave a place...you dont leave just the place
You leave a part of you behind
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Love you Dubai

Intelligentsia

2006-03-10T21:09:00.000+05:30

Who is more intelligent?
In the dark, the one that lights the candle but the vision is limited by the breadth of the candlelight? or the one who adjusts his eyes to the dark but it limited by the dull silhouettes?

Freedom

2006-03-06T15:27:00.000+05:30

I now am liberated from these buildings
Only to be bound by taller skyscrapers
The paradox of Liberty

I am the future of Freedom

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I had vowed to blog only after I got placed
I had vowed I will fulfill my dreams of working abroad
I had vowed that I would achieve it all
Today......spells Freedom

Cloud Formation

2006-02-02T11:32:00.000+05:30

We were walking by the lake, and i looked up at the sky and saw them....
The girl was white, seemed young and her long wavy hair blew with the winds, she was holding onto a long white scarf, tugging at it. He sat opposite her, young man,and the dark night outlines his longish black hair.He leaned towards her tugging the white scarf,fighting the winds.
I could feel their voices, two lovers being torn apart, held together by a thin string of memories.

My companion joined my sight, she avered that the two figures were seated on a magic flying carpet,and i profess i soon began to see the clear demarcation of the tassels floating.

We began to walk against the winds, as the breeze drifted the carpet, and the two lovers to a place of eternal elysium.

Live like there's no tomorrow

2006-01-16T17:45:00.000+05:30

That has got to be one line that I dont agree with at all!

To most people-it sounds very cool, but I doubt anyone in the world truly follows it to the core. To the people who can state it so blantantly, I doubt they realise the implications of these words.

If there were no tomorrow, half the world would be howling or crying for starters, another set would be fearful because of the unknown and uncertainty, few would really enjoy their day. Most people would try and spend time with their loved ones, also it would be a record breaking day for the telephone companies.

How can one simply forget their dreams, their purpose, the future. Dont we all live today, to work today for a better future, a secured future. Dont we live today, most of the time-to enjoy at a future date. Yes, one could say why dont we live for the moment, or just enjoy today instead of wasting today trying to have a better day tomorrow?

Easier said than done; how many of us would leave MBA, leave our jobs etc - and simply just live for today?

Take me to a place

2006-01-13T11:53:00.000+05:30

Take me to a place…
Where you can see the sun’s reflection in my eyes,
The colours of life form the rainbow’s ring
The clouds whisper in my ear
The rain descends off an angel’s wing

Take me to a place…
Where the grass tingles at my legs,
The bird coo’s perched on the green tree
The pebble creates a ripple wide
And the moonlight on my face glows in peace

Take me to a place…
Where I can hear the wind giggle as it plays with my hair
the coolness of the waves at my feet
And I sink into the mesmerizing sea
The fragrance of freshness, so sweet.

Take me to a place…
Where the sounds of silence can be heard
Where love has always been
Where stillness can be sensed
Where beyond the horizon is seen.

Reminiscing

2005-12-31T16:50:00.000+05:30

If you look back, and you havent....

laughed until youve fallen down
helped a friend
been up all night partying
been up all night working
cried for someone
howled for something
learnt something new about yourself
got hurt
moved on
hurt someone
forgave yourself
sacrificed
ate a new cuisine
did something that your afraid of
experimented something new
got drenched in the rain
visited a new city
even better visited a new country
helped a stranger
helped your enemy
increased your knowledge
practised your hobby
done something whacky
read at least 3 good books
set your goals
made a good friend
maintained good friends
took time out for yourself
got space
gave space

then you havent lived it up
Happy 2006

2005-12-14T13:02:00.000+05:30

Last night I was up till 3:45 am hearing Arabic music, there is something melodious and intriguing about the language. Its sweetest leaves me mesmerized,

And i floated away...
I was high above on the 24th floor, from where I could see the whole brightly lit city. The innumerable cars zipped below and yet there was no sound. The sweet taste of bitter bourbon. The chilly wind came from beyond the horizon, across the endless sea and hit me.High high above the world.

And i drifted...
I was on top of the sifting dunes,watching the moon as it watched me-nothing but sand around. With alarming speed I dropped as I surfed down the sands and the whole panorama changed-glowing tents, silhouttes dancing to rhythm , and I joined the swirl.

And I whirled away...
Silence had engulfed the night, and the wind was deafening.The wheels sped across the roads, I love the sound of friction of speed.There were no exits,just roads...endless endless roads.

To more Arabian Nights...

Lock n Key

2005-12-01T19:21:00.000+05:30

You say you have the key to me,
But do you know what the inside of a lock looks like?

Go Air........Go Away!

2005-11-15T10:52:00.000+05:30

Go Air, a no frill airline launched by the Wadia's recently, decided to do their bit towards 'social service'.
They chose to take 42 terminally ill children from Bai Jerbai Hospital-Mumbai, for a short airplane ride. The flight was delayed by 3 hours, for 3 hours these children were at the airport without any food provided by the airline staff. These children, all below the age of 12-had either cancer, were blind or other diseases. To put the icing..the airport did not have adqeuate space to seat all the children, so quite a few had to stand or lie down on the floor.
Can you imagine being so unwell, and then being made to wait at an airport?

What makes my blood boil is not only the ill treatment, but the attitude of Mr Jeh Wadia. On being questioned by a reporter present why the flight was so delayed, the prompt reply was "Its probably the first and last time these children are getting an opportunity to sit in an airplane,whats 2 hours of waiting for them"

Go Air.....Go Away!!!

Home Again

2005-11-07T01:45:00.000+05:30

I never really thought Id have two homes,in the beginning one was a house and Bombay was home--now both are homes.

Home-Part I
Ive lived here since 23 years (yeah ever since I was born basically), and what makes it home is definately all the pampering I get- from my folks, my maid, my grandparents, my aunt n cousins. Ready hot meals, the solitude of my room, and most importantly-love. Memories flood this house.
It was simply great being back home for 12 days! Being with family, going out with friends, drives , dinners, meeting up with ex-colleagues, n ofcourse diwali-loads of mithai, fire-cracker lit marine drive, n gambling with family [n I won too :)]
Nothing like home!

Home- Part II
Id give a large credit to my villaies and my friends out there, who make chai for me, make omelette, sit around the table and gossip, take midnight walks, who press my head when it hurts, share my joys, my roomie who hugs me when im upset. In just 5 months such a great attraction to my new home. Ofcourse it has its downsides...but dubai has shown me colours that I had never experienced before and Ive learnt to enjoy.
Now with just 1 day to go for me to be back in dubai-i look at it with a welcoming smile, to be back amongst my villaies, sitting in our favorite position around the table all hogging maggi n chatting away.
Nothing, simply nothing like home.

Life as a SPJCMite

2005-10-20T01:15:00.000+05:30

Alarm!!...snooze...alarm...snooze.....(my roomie Mega) "Purnima get up its 6:45 you wanna miss the bus kya?" And thus begins my day at S.P.Jain...

The first thing i do after getting to college is scrounge for a 1 dirham coin to get some chai. The day carries on with more chais and some lectures in between (literally)Check mails...the lectures started-im still checking mails;note: I havent reached the 'replying to the mail' stage yet.
It continues on chai...mails...lectures...chai...mails...lectures.....more chai. Its breaktime and we run to hot breads(some grub to sustain us+ more chai)

The lectures finally end ( by this time ive checked n written mail, blogged, commented on blogs, economic times, on a boring day even checked my horoscope)and its time to start working on assignments, study for quiz+mid term+end term+ comprehensives (all of which occur within 2 weeks of each other). It becomes night and yet loads to do....red bull + another chai...n I fall asleep anyway.

Alarm!!...snooze...alarm...snooze.....(my roomie Mega) "Purnima get up its 6:45 you wanna miss the bus kya?"

The Night

2005-10-09T14:52:00.000+05:30

The light of the earth radiates to the moon
And the satellite responds in complete darkness
Every sound reverberates
As silence tiptoes into the world.
The night unburdens me.
Reducing the glare of reality
A feeling of complete freedom
Unbound by the dark skies.
Living up the best part of 24 hours for me.

Last night a meager part around 1 am was spent by the lake near my villa.The lake exuberates some kind of tranquility I cant explain, and the combination of the water and darkness just seems to be matchless.
Completely devoid of people-I find the joy of my own solitude there.

Simply Inimitable.

Jai Ganesh Deva

2005-09-17T12:01:00.000+05:30

Ganesh-one of the most celebrated festivals in Bombay.

I remember Ganpati as a vivacious festival, 10 days of songs on loud speakers, loads of traffic, and people swarming around the idols.
Our mandir kept a huge idol every year, the slum dwellers had one at the end of my lane, so did my friend Bhavna's building,which I visited every year. My nani, who stays at Sukh Sagar had the most prominent location to watch all the large ganpatis immerse into the sea from Chowpatty beach. That road is alive, even at 4 am, and since the whole event is covered by IN tv, invariably I could see my nani,at her balcony-giving water and sweets to passerby's .

When I think of Ganpati-I cannot not think of Siddhi Vinayak, my early morning walks with Dela, from Bandra to Siddhi. Going for the aarti, to pray and then whispering into the mouse's ear.To top it all, we even walked back home, just to get the feeling-of complete contentment. The best part of Siddhi is the vibes I feel when I am there-the calm feeling completely encompasses me.

When I came to Dubai, I never thought Id celebrate Ganesh, but my batchmates managed to get a beautiful Ganesh idol! We had kept it at one of our villas-and every early morning before college and night 11 pm aarti was done. We outsourced the immersion part, because if you're caught in Dubai then the fine is dhms 5000.

Last night was the final pooja, we sang bhajans-Jai Ganesh Deva etc and some of my friends(Dharmesh and Chinmay) recited the athrava shastra mantra. As the vibes emitted, the whole place reverberated with positivity and togetherness.

As ever,I cannot explain it-ithe feeling was beyond beautiful. It was spiritual.

My Favorite Drink

2005-09-05T19:18:00.000+05:30

It all started wayy before...when i was a kid. I tasted it-and gave up everything else.My mom had to beg me to have milk.I stood there resolute, nothing...nothing besides that.
I would choose it over every cold drink available.

8 year old lil p at a birthday party:
"Would you like to have some nice thanda pepsi beta?"
"Aunty could I have some Chai instead"
"Erm............."
(I think most of you can picture that face)

In school it started with 2 cups a day.
In college it moved on to around 3 cups a day(cutting chai 1/2 glass-Rs.2, full glass-Rs.3)n the days I was feeling rich-tea centre.
Morgan Stanley days it increased to 4-5 cups a day (Thanks to a tea machine and Mannu,our pantry boy)
Sp Jain, MBA days it has exponentially increased -7 odd cups a day,for very apparent reasons

Everyone knows me for my tea drinking habits, my buddies who are making tea for themselves, blindly make tea for me too. My buddies mother's who are making tea, blindly go ahead and make tea for me too.

Chai--defies the mariginal utility theory,beats a high beta stock,epitomizes inelastic demand,and has the highest NPV ever.(MBA gyaan....Non-MBA's forgive me)

For now enough of this blog...until then I think i'll go n have another cup of tea.

Full House

2005-08-24T20:15:00.000+05:30

And what a full house it is-I live in a villa with 13 other women (yes to a lot that might sound fun), a spider (do I see people backing out), occasional beetle (ummm), and regular few lizards(hey wheres everybody gone?)

Well yeah - we all seem to live here and together, each one fighting for ones space and rights. It all started with the lizard in Rashis bathroom-tiny little thing-maybe as large as my little finger however commanded the attention of everyone, putting all of us upright and at attention.
After lots of water splashes and bagon-the lizard finally disappeared down the gutter, where it probably resides till date.

The next incident brought about the call of the spider.A few yells brought many a girls running up to the first floor and all of us surrounded one (ahem yes one) spider ready for an attack. It also got Ms ruia up who walked in claiming that she was unafraid of spiders, however one look at the size she was in the bedroom on the bed!
On the other side was Shilpa, who doesnt believe in killing any life form(ditto for neha jain) and there was aditi who woke up from her sleep n demands to know whats happening, the answer came promptly and so did the reply ' kill the f**kin thing'. Shilpa was in complete despair by then "theyre gonna kill you" she wailed. The supreme bagon came in hand again n the spider shrivelled up into a...well just shrivelled up.

One night in all sincerity Bhagya came into my room ' Purnima, we need your help'. I walked down the stairs all my finance concepts stirring my brains-only to find a huge lizard sitting on bhagyas bag. Bhagya very palpably pointed at the problem. It took a broom and a plastic bag to get it out of our house, with absolutely no help from my roomie Mega-who kept screaming everytime the lizard moved its tail!

Outside a villa I saw definately the biggest black cockroach like looking insect ive ever seen. My eyes popped out more than they have for large size diamonds. Sid did a little jig-a-ma-dig---jump skip n squash. Lets not describe that-it was pretty gross.

Last evening Aditi woke up with a swollen lip that would put angelina jolie to shame. Hanuman re-incarnated. The cause-an insect bite.Insect had to be a guy for the strategic location of the bite. Verdict-dunno where the insect is, the hunt for it still continues.

Intellectual Stimulation

2005-08-15T16:01:00.000+05:30

Its been long since ive had an intellectual stimulating talk. the mind seems to be a barren land post my mba course. That which was supposed to churn my potential and make my mind run, has lead it to an uncertain standstill.

Distance has terminated the ability to converse for hours lest the mind is always on the phone bill. Its been long since ive argued, debated on a topic- not even thought about it and the vociferous nature that tends to take over me is buried. Now im sober, in a coma-where the heart only ticks, n the mind only works to routine.

Where is the me, that read books for 2 hours daily, followed the markets, knew the news?
Where is the me that rebelled against decree and was pro the iconoclasts?
Where is the me, that debated on anything and learnt from everything?

Then came to my rescue,my villa buddy we chatted over-philosophies, theories, books, people-till 2 in the morning.
I hardly slept, and I slept as I never slept before.

It was a breath of fresh air
And I felt my mind stir.

My 23rd birthday

2005-08-05T04:30:00.000+05:30

This blog has come about because my buddy Sid tells m I must pen down everything that happened on my 23rd birthday, cause later in life im gonna look back in life-and laugh.sigh.nostalgia.

I started celebrating on 3rd night-went for this cruise cum dinner around dubai creek with my folks. There's something very quixotic a cruise,maybe it has all the ingredients-the boundaryless sea flanked by the well lit soaring skyscrapers, the enigmatic night and the candle light reflecting in my eye.

I got back at 11:15-and simply crashed,managed to get up by 11:45(after all what are friends for) at 12 was the one of the nicest 12 o clock's ive ever spent!!! It was definately the largest number of friends i had over!Imagine 45 people in your villa, 2 birthday cakes(thnx-Dush n Ritika), cake smashed on your face, you wash up-n cake is smashed on your face again(courtesy sid)

The next day bought birthday cards from back home, gifts-a much needed perfume(though danny thinks my choice is old fashioned) clothes(which girl will ever say I have too many..) and a Garfield (ive been searching a garfield since so many years-n i never found one with a face tht i like,n i got the mostest perfect one!)

The latter half of the day was spent trying to understand finance-first the questions and then my answers of the exam.After which we 'attempted' to go partying-but all the discs were shut due to the death of King Fahd(Saudi Arabian King for the ignorant)so we ended by at Hard Rock Cafe..2 coronas down..it wast the first time I had the beer-n i quite liked it I must say!

All in all nothing went right--all in all everything was perfect......cause i had the one thing I wanted the most --all my friends!

To...you

2005-08-01T03:51:00.000+05:30

To....you

We met by pure chance due to choice of education, I never bothered to know u nor u know me. We started chatting,for hours – n I sought u as a intellectual sort of entertainment,yet both involved in our lives more serious sides.
You left india- I didn’t care, didn’t bother to meet, didn’t bother to call- you would always be online, so would I n what difference would it make where in the world your computer screen was. You returned- I yet couldn’t have been bothered.
Ironically me leaving the country and you in another brought us more closer, late night calls(you have always made me stay up late)
I never sought you as a lover, n yet I wouldn’t say you’re a close friend cause you have not really been around me. Yet you know me, and I know you--in an odd way.
I don’t desire you as anything more than we are today,but what I share with you I don’t share with anyone else.

It is unconditional.
It is perfect.........

And it rained...

2005-07-26T20:26:00.000+05:30

Fever,sore throat,cough,shivering,head throb-625 power antibiotics thrice a day.Thats what happened in the last 3 days, apparently due to the extreme increase in temperature.
All I wanted to do was - get home.

I had great pride(n yeah i was proud about it) that I had managed not to cry at all after getting to Dubai, no homesick bouts, no tears. And then I fell ill, all I wanted was my mother sitting besides me, dad patting my head--the psychologic relief that I am encompassed in love.
Reality was different-6 hour lectures continued, merely 5 hours of sleep continued, 3 hours of assignments & studying continued-n mainly the loneliness continued.
I wouldnt say my friends were not affectionate and didnt take care of me, but the value of someone pressing your head at 1 am when its hurting has increased exponentially.

Rather than my parents coming down here, I wanted to go back to Bombay.Called them and said im coming back for a few days. Over a lot of discussion and more head throbs-they said I should come down if i felt like.Over more head throbs I realised my parents wanted to come to dubai,it would make them happier.

And so as the story goes, I chucked my plans of going back to my city. As I stood on my balcony watching the desert, I thought of what I was giving up--my room,my comfort zone, my solace, my family,familiar view of the sea,the city warmth.
The tear rolled down my cheek....and it rained.

Broken Jinx

2005-07-22T13:18:00.000+05:30

In the last few days Ive had so much to write with so much on my mind-n yet my blog remains blank...the cause behind it all 'the blogging jinx'- incarcerated my hands,uncultivative mind,n the system.

It all started with me not remembering my blogger user name, hell i remembered my password...i memorized it, wrote it in 3 places-but I didnot write the damn username. Tried all conocations of my name,numbers,nicknames,psyedonames-you name it i tried it..n after 2 weeks of hard research I was successful.

I logged in, so did the firewall. For murphy to be unforgettable his theories rose with him from the dead and continue to be eternal--for some strange reason my blogger was blocked.However who shall stopeth the heroine to reach for her scepter? and eventually the wall was broken down.

My previous article 'the blogging bond' I started to write it about 2 weeks back-but whilst my fingers merrily pranced around the keyboard my buddy danmnation decided to poke his head in-now something i detest is someone to read my blog before its published (high secret kinds) n so it got left out until its b-day(blog day i.e.)

The next draft was about opinions. How I hate people who are overly opinionated and how i hate those who have no opinions even more.I mean you cant be on this earth and be indifferent to everything right?It all got inspired by my prof-who insisted that replying to a fan letter has to be relatively formal and sending out a recruitment promotion letter could be casual cause the world is moving that way. sigh.My inspiration was in the process of being penned when ms business casual asked me to slam my laptop shut.
Opinions are like arseholes everyone has one.

But I the rebel shall not stop
My fingers play around the bend
Better publish this post now
And bring this jinx to an end

Blogging Bond

2005-07-15T12:17:00.000+05:30

The first conversation---is what gets two people together or seperates them.Whats the one thing that brings people together? Common interests-same taste in music, we both love to swim,love to party,like reading the same books...n this list could go on.

Like when I observe smokers.Youre standing alone in the corner-smoking your usual lights.He's there too in another corner, both oblivious to each other as if both are alone in the dark alley.The next day its the same except you are aware of his presence maybe noticed the brand he smokes.Then comes the acknowledgment sign-the nod, which indicates 'you exist'.It moves on to asking for a match someday and then moves on to casual conversation.He knows what you feel as the smoke is inhaled,the inherrent need for the feel of the cigarette between ones lips. Netx time round -you plan your smoke time together.The bond is formed-Smoking buddies voila.

Scenario: carter road-sea side promenade, a little green patch dedicated mainly for dog owners, dog lovers and a lil for the dogs. My dog plays with your dog, n I chat with you-seems one of those made in heaven decisions.....assuming ofcourse the two breeds of dogs , and the two human breeds are compatible.I dont deny the ugly scenes, n then there are many lovers, friends etc who have met that way.Pet bonding....they bond-we bond.

But a new genre of bonding has arisen, i call it the 'blogging bond'. " hey you blog too? me too, whats ure link?" n it has begun-my blogging bond with the person-provided the blog appeals to me ofcourse,there is no dearth of weirdos here. Through the medium I have known what people are upto, what people think and even how they think.Not to mention all the comments that come about, and it happens to be a great starting line.

Known by the lines they wrote
Words merge into a song
A click connection un-named
Bitten by the blogging bond

Rocked da City

2005-06-30T03:14:00.000+05:30

High-is what i feel when the dj plays good music.
High -is what i feel when a live band does a perfect version of rock artists i like.
High-is what i feel when drinks are on the house.
High-is what i feel when i dance all night.

I just went high,higher n higher...did all of those in one night!
it started with just 4 of us going partying-eventually it turned out to be 17 ppl(they came in late cuz they had forgotten their Id's-thang god for piyush for reminding me to take mine!)Sunday night-Jimmi Dix,Dubai--turned out to be free entry for girls n to top it all free drinks for all women till 1.The band did a lot of my favorite rock numbers n the dj simple played music which i could dance to all night.For a change there was zero hindi music...which was quite a refreshing change.

Also the first night I saw a sophisticated hooker.typical situation-old,fat balding man;old but mind blowing body,super short dress girl.buys her a drink.neotiate.leave.

I really think im up for one of those all night long parties-11pm-3:30am on my feet dancing, energy only seemed to increase through the night,i think i only left cause the dj said last song for the night.
But the night had to end just like everything else always does, got home by 4...felt deliriously happy after really long.

High-is what i feel while driving home,dark night,bright streets,at 140kmph.

Mehsalamah

2005-06-23T05:34:00.000+05:30

I write from the land of sand-dubai...though frankly theres hardly any sand here. I really love it as a city-tall buildings,vibrant,great roads,zipping cars-life, life n more life.
yet-it feels like home....i find an indian person on every corner,indian restaurant-samosas,wada pav,bhel the works--frankly im relieved.

to make a new city your home
to make strangers your friends
to share with your colleagues your college and room
to define responsibility as washing your clothes n vessels
where independence means when your sick theres noone-but you
to explore-a new place, new risks.
where adjustment is a part of life not an option
where learning is natural
where life is freedom, n freedom is life.

PS-Waiting to spot a camel yet

Hasta Leugo

2005-06-03T06:15:00.000+05:30

It finally hits me...I am to leave this city in 7 days, leave the place where i was born, where i have grown up, where i have lived.
I will miss the sea-side, which i have haunted for many hours... marine drive, carters, bandstand.
I will miss this city's vivacious life-travelling by ricks at unearthly hours-unafraid, being stuck in a traffic jam at 1am.
The rains-getting entirely drenched, and topping it with masala chai.
My friends n family-my support n backbone, for everytime i have been sad they are there to lift me up, n everytime i have been happy..i need to share my happiness with them.
The trains-packed to treble of its capacity, n yet the joy n freedom i feel while hanging and the wind blowing.
I will miss the easy life i lead here-cup of ready tea in the morning, never having to think about my next meal,my banyawala which delivers instantly, ditto for the chemist n general store.
My room-my comfort zone...no longer will i stare at these blue walls,in which i have found so much peace,found my space--found myself

....n yet i go to discover life beyond these seas but not without a tribute to this city, my city--to the Spirit of Bombay, may your spirit last forever.

Que sara sara when i grow up what will I be?

2005-05-31T03:13:00.000+05:30

I visited my dentist again this morning..n as she put the drill into my mouth i began to wonder what ever possessess people to become a dentist?Like why would someone wake up one morning and feel i want to straighten all the crooked teeth of the world or my purpose of life is that everyone has a white perfect smile??
Ofcourse after 7 sittings and the 8000 bucks that ive paid- I finally begin to see the joy in setting those pearly white teeth.

I have my doubts on consultants too (though it is extremely likely i become one myself!). A consultant seems to be the guy who takes off my wrist watch n tells me the time.I dont see why i need someone to see how i run my company n change it-i mean if ure tht good-u might as well be the CEO right?

A great part of my life Ive debated between C.A and an MBA. Even though im about to start my MBA this june I have to admit I find C.A far more practical people:
A CA and an MBA are camping together. When they go to sleep, the CA says, 'Tell me what you can see when you're looking up?''Thousands of stars,' says MBA.'And what's your conclusion from all this?MBA starts to think, 'If I consider it from astrological aspects,' he says slowly, 'I must assume that there are millions and millions of stars and galaxies in the universe. From psychological points of view I conclude that we're so infinitely small in comparison with God's overall creation. And if meteorology is concerned, I would say that we can expect fine weather tomorrow. What's your opinion?
To which the CA replies "I believe our tent has been stolen."

Well who knows where life will take me -in ppl's mouths,balance sheets,pockets-choices are unlimited.maybe ill be just like the herd ..n then maybe ill start my own bookstore :)

the un-doable yoga

2005-05-26T03:25:00.000+05:30

I have started yoga practises,today my yoga sir decided to show me kriyas.
It started with him filling an aladdin lamp looking kettle with water, on tilting his head-he poured the water into one nostril and it poured out thru the other nostril,was quite a feat.

Next he took a rubber tube and put it into nostril, and removed it from his mouth,then he took the other end of the tube put it through his other nostril and got it out of other nostril. I was enthralled-just sat staring-felt as if i was watching a magic show.

The next one-he took a much larger tube and put it into this mouth, down his throat right uptil his stomach 4 feet long!then he sucked in some water and brought it out again(supposed to solve all acidity problems)

by now my bile had risen. the horrific part isnt what i only saw, the fact that i had to repeat the first 2 actions!
well i managed the first one quite easily infact-funny to have water running thru ure nose like a tap though lolll, n the second one turned out to be impossible!

The magic show ended though...till i learn another trick

Joy and Sorrow

2005-05-23T06:56:00.000+05:30

The one that can feel utmost pain can experience utmost joy.
Intensity of an emotion depends on a persons capacity to let himself feel and experience the emotion, the larger the capacity -the more the intensity. Imagine the heart to be a bowl...the larger the bowl the more joy and sorrow can be filled into it.

Happiness and sorrow are but relative concepts; would we bless the wind if the sun didnot scorch? would we value laughter if we but perpetually smiled? would take care of our body if we were always fit? would we listen to our soul if it didnot cry out through an aching heart?

As Khalil Gibran quotes in his book The Prophet
"your joy is your sorrow unmasked.And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.Joy and Sorrow are inseperable-when one sits with you at your board,remember the other is asleep upon your bed.The deeper that sorrow carves into your being,the more joy you will contain."

Intellectual v/s Intelligent

2005-05-22T05:39:00.000+05:30

Websters dictionary:
Intelligence: having high or satisfactory degree of mental capacity. reflecting good judgment.
Intellectual:the capacity for knowledge/the capacity for rational thought.

Though these two words are often used synonymously, I have tried to delve into the fine line that seperates them at a higher level .

I can claim to be intellectual if i attain the heights of knowledge, but intelligence is beyond attaining- it is being aware.
For eg I knew an academically brilliant girl, got all 5 calls from IIM n convereted 4 out of the 5 (B,C,L,K). However she chose K over all of them, even though K ranks lower than the rest--the reason being, she got the offer letter from them first.Sigh. inspite of all the academic brilliance, the intellect n hard work-a sheer case of lack of awareness.
When i look at her I see so much potential and yet i see nothing.

To end with Osho's thoughts on the topic-
"Intellectuality is mechanical. You can become a great scholar, a great professor, a great philosopher, just playing with words which are all borrowed, arranging and rearranging thoughts, none of which are your own.
Intellect has nothing of its own, all is borrowed. Intelligence has its own eyesight.
And that´s the difference between intelligence and intellect. "

Untitled

2005-05-20T15:54:00.000+05:30

I shall live for myself
Unaffected by the unaffectionate
Indifferent to extreme joy
Untouched by extreme pain
To learn from all, but learn for nothing
To value all, but cherish nothing
To have nothing, but to accept the all.

-2002

Ive learnt...

2005-05-20T00:01:00.000+05:30

I’ve learnt…

Ive come to understand that most people are neither for you nor against you: they are just thinking about themselves.
You learn that no matter how hard you try to please, some people in this world are not going to love you. At first its troubling; then its relaxing.

It is going to take a long time to be the person whom I want to be and I am the only person that can use my ability.

Be yourself. most people are other people. The world has had enough of them.

When you point your finger at a person, your pointing 4 fingers back at yourself.
When you are angry –you are only self destructive. Life is all about controlling ones mind

Be honest-even though pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple

Forgive: no one is perfect, you could lose out on a good friend if u don’t, but importantly always forgive your enemies -- nothing will annoy them as much

Be a realist. A optimist and pessimist both who, when have the choice of two evils, chooses both.

Water thicker than blood

2005-05-19T11:10:00.000+05:30

It disgusts me that even education has not improved the mind of most of the people binded by rituals, cast n religion in our country.

I was visiting the house of a colleague whoose father had recently expired, the funeral rites had to be completed--as there being only daughters, the agni(lighting the fire to the body) had to be done by any of the cousin brothers. Some ridiculous norm being that the brother can ask anything of the family since he his being 'honourable' enough to do the last rites.
The cousin brothers had the audacity, not one but all of them present- they demanded the house, the shop they owned, or the diamond business!!

There seems to be just no respect- i must say my blood boiled-literally!I would have surely kicked them out of my house, I am glad to say that is exactly what they got.Frankly though they deserve to be shot.

Dusts of mercenary clouds thy mind
Begin to worship it as a divine
Only at lifes shattering end
Eyes of truth rise, it wont defend
Hell's glare, the blinding light
Welcome to darkness,forever night

High Fidelity

2005-05-19T10:27:00.000+05:30

"Hi, drinking luncheon, on a school day? Are you nervous about tomm night?"

"Not really no"

"Umm are you gonna tak to me-or shall I get my paper out"

"No im gonna talk to you, what are you gonna talk to me about"

"Umm im gonna talk to you about whether or not you want to get married to me.Im serious"

"Yeah I know, well thanks a fucking bunch"

"Im sorry but two days ago you were making tapes for that girl –from the Reader"

"Yeah"

"Well forgive me if I don’t think of you as the world’s safest bet. "

“Would you marry me if I was?”

“What brought all this on?”

“I don’t know. I’m just sick of thinking about it all the time”

“About what?”

“This stuff. Love and… settling down and marriage, you know? I want to think about something else”

“I changed my mind. That’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard. I do. I will.”

“Just shut up please, I’m trying to explain, okay? That other girl, or other women, --whatever -- I mean, I was thinking that they’re just fantasies. You know? And they always seem really great because there’s never any problems. And if there are, they’re cute problems like, you know, we bought each other the same Christmas present or she wants to go to see a movie that I’ve already seen, you know? And then I come home and you and I have real problems and you don’t even want to see the movie I want to see, period. There’s no lingerie and --”

“I have lingerie”

“Yes, you do. You have great lingerie. But you also have cotton underwear that’s been washed a thousand times, and it’s hanging on the thing and they have it too. It’s just I don’t have to see it because it’s not in the fantasy. Do you understand? I’m tired of the fantasy because if doesn’t really exist. And there are never really any surprises, and it never really --”

“Delivers?”

“Delivers. Right, I‘m tired of it. I‘m tired of everything else for that matter. But I don‘t ever seem to get tired of you. So--”

“I think I know what you mean. But were you really expecting me to say yes?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t really think about it, really. I thought asking was the important part.”

Well you’ve asked. Thank You.

From the film High Fidelity-its hilarious....but maybe-its just what im looking for

Maggi ka jai ho

2005-05-18T09:04:00.000+05:30

well it all started with my mom firing me ( which she has been doing since many a day) so it finally hit my brain...so it finally hit my brain...todays May 9th - exactly month for me to fly to Dubai....i had better start cooking.
the subzi for the night decided by my mother was Aloo in tomato gravy...now i quite like that subzi, but then you like anything as long you dont need to cook it ive realized.

she gave me a string of masalas-for some strange reason jeera n jeera powder both have to be put...why? "just shut up n learn it the correct way". so jeera n on top of tht jeera powder it was!
my mother queen of cooking also insists i learn the hard way --tht is without a pressure cooker on normal gas,n not boiled aloos...but right from kacha aloos so tht they get the flavour of the gravy.

i sat- no stood in the kitchen for an hour, now im not exagurating as most of u would like to believe, n the aloos would just remain kachha only!
i was starved...so on the other side gas....i made maggi...n ate it up
Long live 2 mins Maggi :)))))))

PS- the aloos finaly got cooked later on, will tell you the verdict later

Needed respite

2005-05-16T11:38:00.000+05:30

Hello P....
this is V's gift!

enjoy and explorE!

Penned

Broken Heart

The Wanderer

Dawn to blue

An Afternoon

My lone moment

Sub Rosa

How Dark?

By the pyre

Kaboo

Crash Boom Bang

So you're down in the dumps

Grey turned to Black

Just another evening...

Tree Huggin'

Damned

Filmy Ghupchup

Infidelity

Tagged!! 8 Random things about me

Perfection Blues

Such kinda days...

Painting the skies

Calling?

Reminder

Shhh

Transcending Space

I just wanna be God

Its 3 am...

And she wonders

Eid Mubarak.

I *heart* Dxb

Phuket-sea n sand joys and lady boys

Mandom Rumblings

Through my eyes

Mumbai, tujhe salaam ya badnaam ?

Homeward Bound

If Investment banks were Musicians

Waiting for the Rain

I’m Racist….So?

Welcome to Singapura Lah

Dont judge a book by its cover (definately not in an airplane)

Its amazing how we love

India Shining?

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

The swish of the brush

Final Farewell

Intelligentsia

Freedom

Cloud Formation

Live like there's no tomorrow

Take me to a place

Reminiscing

Lock n Key

Go Air........Go Away!

Home Again

Life as a SPJCMite

The Night

Jai Ganesh Deva

My Favorite Drink

Full House

Intellectual Stimulation

My 23rd birthday

To...you

And it rained...

Broken Jinx

Blogging Bond

Rocked da City

Mehsalamah

Hasta Leugo

Que sara sara when i grow up what will I be?

the un-doable yoga

Joy and Sorrow

Intellectual v/s Intelligent

Untitled

Ive learnt...

Water thicker than blood

High Fidelity

Maggi ka jai ho

Needed respite

I heart Dxb