Just another evening...

Just another evening by my window

The sun blazed the whirlwinds fest

Yet how long will the fury last for

Will the fire burn after the sun has set

Tree Huggin'

I admit. Its my new therapy-go hug a tree.

It all started one day, early morning walk in the garden behind my home.At 6:30am its quite pleasant, the Bombay humidity is still asleep. I decided to speed up a bit, and stumbled. My left hand pressed on to the trunk of the tree-and I a felt an electric vibe. The same vibes I feel when I meditate, the same ones when I practise Vipassana, the same vibes of peace.

The next morning, I tried it again and yet again. I tried it with different trees-it didnt work, just seemed to be this one! I discussed the same with Ani, who exclaimed his mother believes the very same-that trees let out healing and positive vibration.
It went on to become a routine, every morning I go and hold the tree with both my hands. Its no longer an experiment-its a feeling of bliss.

Do I sound nutty? What the hell you'll never know -- go find your hugging tree.

Damned

I have dreams. So it is not your fault.Its mine.

Filmy Ghupchup

So Ani and I are about to leave a party at SoBo, when a girl we chit-chatted with(abt her job in the film ad production) requested to be given a lift home. Sure! hop on, and it began...

Shahrukh Khan is gay. Karan, Manish Malhotra and his orgies are toh regular news,but he keeps picking up young boys from Hum Safar (a gay organization). Dont feel bad about Gauri..she's bi too............N dont ask about Aishwarya, she slept with Amitabh during Mohabatein days-n now married to Abhishek cheeeee. n ofcourse she slept with that full-of-boils face Subhash Ghai for Taal..............Preity is a chain smoker is not the eye raising fact but shes hooked onto cocaine, all that bubbly nature is cause of the bubbles she sees post hash............Shaahid slept with Vidya Balan, so Kareena ditched him,n poor K is made out to be the bitch............oh one of the best couples is Anil Kapoor-no rumours/affairs so far........Akshay Kumar toh cheats left right n centre-slept with everyone............n Aamir is nice,he didnt have any affairs until his marriage with Reena was rocky-the longest one being with Nandita Das.......if you believe Salman is loyal.dead loyal.Katrina is not (Akshay kumar u see)...........n u think the Dubai shows are for the NRI public, noone sees the Sheikh 'Maha-boob' in the corner deciding who is going to sleep with. And no actress says no the Sheikhs...........Shilpa Shetty may have official estimated 8 crore earning, but the unofficial money she has earned because of sleeping with sheikhs would put Julia Roberts to shame.....its a million dollar industry out there!........

Oi! I have to get off here. Sccreeeech. Uff!.....

Like the black dust from my lips
that float into space, and laid there
there, until it was time
to come back into the winds
float like a leaf in autumn
to burn back into dust
and land
in the same cold traingle of steel
setting it to light
so to be proved yet again
the anguish is not the way
for I am beyond

For the harsher words are better
than the silent curse
the anguish was not the way
I am beyond.

Infidelity

We gave up our dream
to make a path

between reality and compromise;

Disloyal to oneself

True to the eclipse

And we named it Life

Tagged!! 8 Random things about me

I got tagged..by Non-Sequitur. 8 hard facts it is....

Me on Love
You can love me with all your heart, but if you dont love me the way I want to be loved...then your not happening. Good chemistry, good fun, good looks, good money, good intellect, good nature- you think thats good enough? your still not happening.

Me on Romantic
I love watching construction sites, high cranes, tall buildings. The most romantic moment is being amongst tall skyscrapers, watching them be created block by block. Its just the concept that 'somethings being built'.

Me on Tears
A mere 'shut up' can make me cry. I cry when.. Im upset, angry, very relieved, irritated, im in pain, see loved ones in pain, see strangers in pain. I howl when I see injustice.

Me on Sacred
Life...the only thing I consider sacred on this earth.

Me on my Interests
The only thing thats interests me- is when the interests go on changing. If one cannot be open to try it all, and experience it all-then it cant be interesting enough for me.

Me on Friends
Water thicker than blood....anyday.

Me on Work
As long as I can learn n grow, meet new people id like to know,
As long as the moolah flows in too, Work is all im gonna do!

Me on Spirituality
Its my ultimate goal in life-to set myself free. I believe humans can leave their bodies, walk on water, make the winds change direction,simply do anything one wants to do. As someones favourite quote goes "Some men see things as they are and say why? I dream of things that never were and say-why not"..Yeah!

And Tagged....Parag, 666, Vbv...

Perfection Blues

As you can see...

every hue of joyful blue

is in me!

------------------------------------

As you can see...

a net lies behind me

But am I trapped under it

Or am I free above it

Or I am only,what my mind lets me be?

-------------------------------------

As I can see...

We would be perfect together

But i am imperfect now

So us not being together is perfect

And this fight for freedom...

left bound me forever.

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Such kinda days...

Remember, when my mom insisted I go all the way into town to buy train tickets for Poona (the days when there was no expressway nor online booking). I was almost irritated being dragged on a public holiday.
I dressed up my casualest best-track pants and a tee; you saw me and said lets goto Pearl of the Orient.And so we did,as the rain beat against the windows,as college students having no money, as I could watch the seas.

Such carefree kinda days...
---------
You remember the day I bunked office for the morning;it was those perfect kind of days-cloudy and cool. We went to watch Shrek, ate at crepe station and drove by the sea-side. I was so happy through out the day.

Such fun kinda days...
---------
Remember, at the snow park, everyone was enjoying all the snow rides. Post 40 mins, we looked at each other and just ran out. Went straight to the tea store and ordered two pots of piping hot chai.Then after few sips, we looked at each other and just laughed.

Such warm kinda days...
---------
You recall the night,post an argument at 1:30 am, we went for a drive. And we drove and drove..out of the city, to the capital, only to discover the gorgeous palace.By 4am I was starved..only to see the Burger King on the opposite side of the freeway, so we drove round and round until the exit, and until I got my bean burger!

Such mad kinda days...
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72 floors above Singapore City,drinks at the bar,and a lovely dinner in the outdoors. Then chatting with you about everything and nothing through half the night.

Such treasured kinda days...
-------
I used to be so afraid to sit on your bike. And then we went for a ride, and just rode and rode and rode. From holding onto the bike to holding the winds in my hand.

Such free kinda days...
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Such kinda days......

Painting the skies

A typical early morning..... no dont imagine sun rise, tweeting birds, or quiet roads. It was a typical working early morning--honking of huge vegetable trucks, the wholesale bhaji walis dashing across the road and the occasional garbage van leaving for their daily rounds.

The car screeched to a halt behind a large yellow "Horn OK Please" , after observing and re-observing the pink lotus designs painted on the truck, the car managed to cut lanes and get ahead.....only this time to be stuck behind "Raja and Rani".

There were a string of taxis-she resigned to the fact that this was going to take a while. The entire stretch of the road is flanked by kothmir and methi (corriander and fenugreek respectively) sellers, and the smell is almost pungent and always gets one coughing.

Overhead the dark clouds floated by, but not a single drop fell, their destination was elsewhere. Her eyes wandered to the further skies a dark set of clouds were approaching covering the sun. She said the word -- 'Ghayath' (rain). Like a chant, Ghayath. The honking stopped, the road blurred, with her whole soul into the power of the word, Ghayath.

The first few drops of rain fell, she continued to chant, and put her hand outside the window to feel the creation. Her eye followed a drop as it fell onto the tip of her finger and slid gently down to the mount of her palm, just then a silver car skidded to a stop in the lane besides her. Her eyes wavered to see the driver, his eye was fixed on the last quarter of the sun going behind the clouds, but his lips were chanting, fervently chanting.

She didn't need to be Nostrodamus to know what he was chanting. The clouds slowly began to turn, and the drizzle grew fainter as the sun glared back onto the now completely covered kothmir street.

Honnnnnkkkkkk-everything came back to life, the babble of the wholesale sellers, the beggar kids playing in the muck, the crude marathi chatter. In that second, the silver car cut into her lane and sped away on the open road ahead. The realization of obnoxious smell lead her into a coughing frenzy, dotted with the abuses from the car drivers behind.

The car purred into the first gear finally, she looked into the rear view mirror and her eyes stopped at the unmistaken sight of the tip of a rainbow. She stopped the car to the side and got out- to see the glorious band of colours stretched across the skies.

She smiled. She sighed.

It would be a long time before she could create a rainbow on her own.

Calling?

My eyes opened, it has been an uncanny dream, and I could feel a frown forming on my brow. The clock on the mantelpiece showed 3:38am. I sat upright and decided to meditate; my thoughts however chose to have me diving under Aussie seas chasing after my P.G.Wodehouse book. 'Blessed night', I cursed, falling back onto my bed.

I flashed back

---

It had been but 2 months back since I was at the Vipassana retreat at Igatpuri. For the un-initiated, Vipassana is a meditation technique promoted by Goenka. This 10 day rigorous course teaches the mind to be alert and notice sensations which emit from the internal body.

Each emotion experienced, we emote a range of sensations-positive vibrations or negative such as pain and discomfort. Every iota of our body is continuously experiencing a sensation which is ever changing. This technique enables one to observe those sensations.

The 10 days of absolute disconnect helps, as does the Arya Maun(complete silence), but not as much as the vibrations of that place.

On the 6th day of my course for the first time I managed to feel complete sensations all over my body, the sensation of a high frequency vibration on every part.

It was also the last time I felt it.

'R' my buddy who sent me there explained it to me, 'You wanted it so much, that you concentrated on recurring the same feeling rather than on what you were actually experiencing.' The main aim of Vipassana is to be detached to all the sensations-good or bad. To acknowledge and to know--that whatever comes...goes.

I confess though once I have been back, it has gotten harder to concentrate.

---

As I feLl back on my bed, I was beyond despair, beyond frustrated-I had simply given up. So I started again-and it came, slowly flowing over my entire skin, engulfing me with vibrations.

It was a blessed night indeed

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PS- R...owe you one too many

Reminder

Pain...
because it reminds me my purpose on this earth is to never come back.

Shhh

It was her funeral-she was a good soul, even jovial until the end fighting her cancer.

The dastoor(priest) stood there chanting their prayers into the holy fire.One couldnt see their lips as they wore a mouth covering to protect themselves from the intense smoke.

But further behind him-stood she. She the wife of a priest. She who silently mouthed the same prayer but from holier lips.

The whole crowd shut their eyes and concentrated into the fire-except my eyes which didnt leave her face even once.

It is unusual for a member of her community to not be fair, most of the community is light skinned, however she was closer to wheatish-olive. But as the intensity of the fire grew, the chants grew louder and louder, I saw her face radiate a white light. A light like I had never seen.She left the room immediately.

I wanted to go upto to her and ask her, and yet my instinct told me otherwise, and my heart screamed for me to stay put. A few moments later she returned-wheatish olive.

I confided in a close relative, and told her what I saw. Her eyes widened and turned to me,
"You saw!" she said, and then added firmly 'one never discusses ones spiritual power, when you have to learn it-it will come to you, but donot ask.'

My eyes were filled with tears, because I was so close to finding a source and yet now an eternal wall had been built. Because what I truly want is to radiate more light than she did.

Her voice softened 'Its called khote (khot-teh) which means Aura, when one reaches a higher spiritual side. But we donot speak about it'

We donot speak about it. So shhhh.

Transcending Space

It was a hot day, but I felt refreshed almost as soon as I entered the room. There were straw mats laid all over, spiritual music played softly in the background and one could hear the melodious sound of flowing water. The walls of the room covered with art works depicted the elements of nature in tune with the Gods and Godesses.

Satish Gupta's latest collection-Cosmic Matrix II transcends his previous.

Right from the tranquility of Lord Buddha reaching nirvan, the fiery Kali in splashing reds,the holy calligraphically written Arabic scrpit, to the radiating blue shivlingam, Satish Gupta has encaptured the Gods inner force of Space, Fire and Air.

Personal favourite:Transcending Space-A 68" X 48" painting of Lord Buddha in hues of grey.

Inspired from the sculptures at Bayon, the painting depicts the now decayed sculptures test of time by painted cracks all across the face. On a closer look one can see the eye balls of Lord Buddha facing upwards towards the chakra.

Can be viewed at Jehangir Art Gallery, Kala Ghoda, Bombay.

Price Range: INR 400,000-18,00,000.

I just wanna be God

A conversation over diet health food, and a cup of black tea:

'Do you think God is all powerful?'

'Hmmm debatable'

'What about sadistic?'
One eyebrow raised

'I mean why..would anyone who created a world, create so much pain? If God does have the power that people believe he does-why doesnt he heal the sick, lessen the burdens of the heart and why for heavens sake(ironical I use heaven huh) would someone propogate suffering?'

'Well maybe he didnt create the world. Maybe he controls it?'

'If he's just a controller why would he watch innocents being killed, drug abuse, child molestations? How different is a psychopath then? And if he didnt create the world we dont really need to thank him for the beauties of nature.'
'And definately dont give me the bullshit that he created sorrow so that we can appreciate joy. You donot watch women being raped so that she knows what it feels like to be happy'

'Do you even believe in God's existence?'

'I do. I know youre wondering how but I do.I just dont think he has anything to do with my creation or my control over my life, joys and lows.'

'A by-stander?'

'I think he was just a good human being. And when they say he's in us, I believe its in each one of us to be like him. And the ones that reach there, join him-the rest get stuck in the rigmarole of earth and life. '

'We consider God as a superpower'

'No, he was just like us-you and me, except he learnt how to direct the power of his mind'

'He's human, and Im human--how?'

'You dont get it, he's human alright, you're not human enough'

'Whats your point?'

'To be complete human, is to be like God-completely one with the universe.Its the ultimate achievement.'

'And how can we be 'more' human?'

'I dont know. Thats what I want to find out but I just dont know how......'

Its 3 am...

It was 3am.

One of those typical nights in Bombay, hot and humid with a few gusts of breeze bringing relief into the night.

Standing by the black granite window sill she could see the dark blue city blending into the black sky. The empty road was lit by a flickering bulb, not a soul in sight-except for the watchman who had fallen asleep hours ago. Not a bird stirred, nor a dog bark, just 2 voices talking over the telephone.

'I wish I could be with you right now'
'Me too, but you know its impossible for me to get out at this hour. Where were you?'
'I was out with my friend-just chilling together, he and I hadn't met up in long'
'Hmmm'
'Kya hua?'
'Now I just wish I could see you'
'Im below your house'
'What??'
'Do not lie'
'Im below your house'
'Right, crap'
'You'll see and hear me in exactly 3 seconds'

HONK! A white car sped past across the road.

Not a single leaf rustled,the drowsy moon didnt peek out from the clouds and the sleeping dogs lay. But her whole world had arisen to his love.

And she wonders

She had planned it all out, all at the age of 13-it had to be Commerce, arts was for the not-so-clever and science was for the geeky. It had to be south mumbai-that was where the good crowd was, and it was the place to be.

She did just that.

During college, it had to be BMS-cause that was the course which gave the practical aspect, and post that it had to be a job-MNC only.

She did just that.

M.B.A was a must-for the people one meets, for the learning, for the paycheck, for the pride. The job that followed had to be front office-MNC only.

She did just that.

She had determined-she would work hard, she would be liked, she would slog, and she would rise.

And she met him. And it all shattered.

She saw someone who lived for a desire, for a dream. There was no routine, no assured return, no concrete plans. The job was not a chore and the existence was not a question mark. It was effortless, natural drive and through inner vision. Work was love, and life was fulfilled.

He lived his passion.

And she wondered-could she ever just quit to follow a dream? what courage it would take to pursue a desire? Give it all up-all the years she had planned for-just to follow an instinct?

Would she ever be able to live her passion?

Eid Mubarak.

We'd run up the wooden stairs hand in hand until the last floor of the 3 storeyed building, and slowly peek inside the ajarred door. He would be sitting there as always- on the red and green mosaic carpet spread across the floor,a grim face but with a prayer always on his lips.

"Salaam Alaikum Dadajaan"

"As-salaam alaikum" would be the prompt grunt back

"Eid mubarak" while kissing his hand in respect.

We looked for dadijaan's warm smiling face, her head poked into the room almost when she heared our greetings. "Eid Mubarak!" with kisses on both her cheeks, she'd lead the way to the kitchen where she had been preparing the food since 3 days even during her rozas.

Some people like sheer korma hot, some like it cold-I cant decide which one I prefer, so I simply would have two bowls. First the hot one and then I'd make my way to the fridge and take a huge helping of cold sheer korma. Like every grandmother who likes to see children relish their cooking, I was dadijaan's pet; her eyes would light up watching me clean sweep the bowl.

Dadajaan would enter the room, a few times I almost thought (though not sure) I saw a gleam in his eyes watching us all huddled on the floor with a large bowl of sheer korma in the centre. He would give us Eidiya (Eid money) and say 'the greatest joy one can derive from money-is by giving it away'. The golawala seemed the perfect person to give it away to at that age.

Looking back, it is the one of the wisest thing someone has said to me. On this Eid day, I will do just as you told me as a child and I know if youre watching me from above-your eyes will light up.

Eid Mubarak.

I *heart* Dxb

I just dont know how to start this post, this thought evokes too many emotions and I just havent been able to structure it since days,so this is how the post is going to be-ad hoc.

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I fear my blog is beginning to look like a travelogue, but then this trip was more than travel. I got teary eyed the minute I saw the sandy dunes from the airplane, "not now!" was all the comment my companion had to offer.

We landed, holy month of Ramadan, no food, no water, scorching sun, waiting for my friend to meet us-it was perfect. Im not being sarcastic, it was all wrong, but it had never been so right. Euphoric wouldnt describe it, it was an odd sense of freedom...to be where I want to be, no 'things-to-do' running in my head. I think i felt for the first time in my life-Im living just for me.

I simply turned my night into day-was up till 4 am, out on the streets, at all my fav places-irish village, 360, dubai marina,starbucks,haagen dazs,odyessy.The 2 new things I did was try out Buddha Bar and went to the Dubai Museum-I enjoyed both tremendously.

At the museum there was an Indian and a local salesman at the souvenir shop, I was asking them where I could get a certain kind of souvenir from, to which he replied when you go for the desert safari you can get it there; to which the local simply replied 'shes not a tourist, it seems as if she lives here'. I dont know how he made out, but I was beaming.

Ofcourse Dubai means malls,and I covered most of them, but more important for me was all my friends which I got to meet-all the catching up, the long chats, the gossip!It was good to see everyone settled all talking about their jobs, HNI clients and their new cars(what a change from ppl who tried to save every 10 bucks mere 3 months back)!

The afternoon I was to return to Bbay, I woke up at 5 am to the sound of the morning prayers, I have been hearing them ever since I was a child and find the greatest peace in melodious prayer.That morning from the balcony I saw one of the most beautiful sunrises over the city of Dubai.

I flew Etihad btw, for the gyaan it is the national airline of UAE not Emirates like most people believe. Its also a damn good airline-plush seats, large private screen which had an option of over 73 flicks, tv serials and video games! The only hitch is that it lands at Abu Dhabi ofcourse.

The day we were to return, we had to catch a bus which takes us from Dxb to Dhabi,the traffic on Sheikh Zayed was so bad,the taxi crawled on a road we usually drive at 140.

Managed to miss the bus, left my cellphone in the cab, got it back after much effort, the cabbie we called to take us to abu dhabi didnt show up, anyhow we made the flight.

Eitherways, it was perfect-and Im not being sarcastic.

Phuket-sea n sand joys and lady boys

My dearest company(I love office) took all of us for an offsite to Phuket. I loved it the minute I peaked outside the aircraft window and below the clouds I could see the bluest of seas.

We were put up at Hilton, 75 acres of natural beauty bang on the beachfront. A large room to yourself and a peacock that flitted around everyones balcony.

The first night was at 'Walking Street'. The entire stretch is flocked by little open air pubs, few restaurants and lady boys. With their petite bodies, long hair, make up and short skirts-one wouldnt be able to guess that these pick up women are well..not women. As my tour guide coyly said " You'll never know until its too late".

Then, we went for my very first 'show'. It was typical with all the women dancing around few poles, and then the show began. A woman came and stuck a whistle up her hole and then using her pelvic muscles she blew the whistle (thats when i burst out laughing), the next act was performed similarly with two cigarettes (I was in splits), the third was with an endless string of coloured ribbons (by then I was holding my sides). She disappeared behind a door for a minute only to come out with a jar of water, then she wriggled out 2 live fish into the jar!! I stopped laughing just about there; we left-I think we had enough of magic shows for the night.

It was followed by a disco called Banana's-the dj played some amazing trance n hiphop tracks, and played a punjabi number for all the Indians in the crowd (read:only us) I guess we really must have burnt up the dance floor. On intervals disc had bubble machines put on, so the whole floor was covered with bubbles. I simply loved the concept! (Wish Bbay would get some creative ideas like that)

The next day brought about the water sports and beach part pf phuket, which I enjoyed infinately more than the magic show of the previous night. Para sailing was a treat, its just unbelievable to be soaring high in the open air, banana boat was well-wet, and it was followed by more rounds of para sailing.
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Wish I could have stayed tad longer, but the Thai curry at Bangkok beckoned...
Till another trip.